My Mom died 16 months ago. After her death there was talk of buying the headstone and sharing the cost between us (dad and siblings).
I don’t think this is going to happen. Dad’s debt is spiralling out of control and my siblings are too wrapped up in their own lives and addictions to be worrying about anything. This leaves me.
I’m stressed that my mother’s grave has not got a headstone. I know you don’t need one but I want her to have one. I’ve decided to go it alone and fund it myself by taking on overtime at work. I haven’t the first clue about them. I have never had to buy one before and I would appreciate a little guidance on this please.
23 comments
Look up your nearest memorial headstone supplier on Google. They’re expensive for large ones and the writing is often extra. You’re taking thousands in some cases. However you don’t need anything elaborate, a simple small mounted plaque can be really nice. They’re usually made to order.
I live in a different place to where she’s buried. Should I look for a place more local to her burial place or more local to me?
It’s going to be a double one, as my dad will be buried there too. The only option I can see are books for double ones, That’s all I can see at the moment.
There is a lot of taboo around funerals and death but in reality it’s like any other major purchase. Don’t be embarrassed about shopping round to get the best price or a deal. I know, I know…. dignity, a lasting memorial, you want your Mum to have the best and all that but still do it.
I was amazed when my Dad died. I went to the Co-op…. got to be the best value right? Far from it. Local small firms provided a really good service for half the price. Same when my Mum died. They are really used to people ringing for a quote so please don’t be put off.
I’ve never bought a headstone but I don’t doubt for a second that “I’m ringing round to get quotes for a headstone” gets a better response that “I need a headstone for my beloved Mum” Sorry if I sound harsh and cynical.
I would think a memorial stonemason would be a better price than an undertaker who will just add on a margin for the first guy.
If she’s buried, the place that she buried in may have recommendations. My mum was cremated and interred in her church and the vicar recommended a few options for stonemasons for us. The stonemason showed us the options available and told us the prices up front so we picked then and there. They were good because they arranged with the vicar to come and install the headstone very shortly after interment so we didn’t have to do anything after leaving the stonemason that day. I think the whole thing cost around £500 for a 15 inch square stone with engraving.
You also shouldn’t feel guilty about it if you can’t afford it. Its really up to the deceased to financially provide for their funeral.
When my mum died the company who provided the headstone had a catalogue! This really helped us to get a feel for all the different shapes and options. There’s loads more than you think.
I’m sorry for your loss. x
They can be very expensive.
If it is a full headstone, including lettering (that’s where you really get stung) and installation, you probably won’t get much change from £2K to be quite honest honest.
I work used to work for a Slate company. There’s quite a few things that can effect what the eventual price can be. Some being the shape, the material, how much engraving (how many letters basically)
Generally ours used to be somewhere in the £600 – £800 range (Slate is a much more expensive material than most realise) that would include the fitting of it.
Also, be careful if you get anything too unusual, Churches can, and WILL say no to it if it’s a material not in keeping with the gravestones currently in place, or there’s a quote or something they deem unsuitable. You could also pay a visit to the Vicar who would be happy to steer you in the right direction.
I have seen words on a gravestone, but where do you draw the line
Name
Birth date – deceased date
Dearly beloved wife, mother, grandmother, what about sister, aunt niece, cousin, daughter, dearly missed, what is too much? Or what to leave out?
When we bought one for my baby, it was £1000! Then £90 for permission from the cemetery, the permission lasts for 100 years, we “own” the plot for that period. We got that direct from the cemetery, if the stone mason got it, it was £100 for some reason.
Some stone masons charge per letter/word. Some it’s all included in the price. We had a poem, his name, his birthday and mummy and daddy written on. They’ll tell you if they can fit it on or not.
We paid £200 deposit and they let us pay the rest in instalments. They were amazing about it.
Just a word of caution, the price they give you may not be the full price. We were told it was less then they added VAT, which I didn’t know about.
Thanks to all for these helpful replies.
I’m going to ring round a few tomorrow, make appointments (not sure if you have to? Or just walk in? ) maybe order some catalogues.
I feel in a better position to start looking now.
5 grand
I don’t have an answer for you but I know how you feel about not having a headstone. My dad was buried in November 2017 but because the plot was reused it will take so much longer for the earth to resettle and we aren’t allowed to have a headstone placed for quite some time yet, so we’re making do with a little plaque placed in a potted plant in the meantime. I hate it, it keeps getting knocked or blown over and it I hate that thought.
I’d suggest to keep in mind that I’d imagine your mum wouldn’t want you to put yourself in any financial difficulty. I could be wrong but I’d imagine you don’t necessarily need a headstone *now.* I would have thought you could place one in a few months/years when it’s more financially viable for you.
For my dad we engraved a stainless steel plate, and welded a few of his mementos to the face, then set it in concrete.
Much less than stone, and still looks good 20 years later.
I think everything was said here already, best wishes to OP. Maybe I can jump on this and ask a related question: How hard would it be to learn engraving and just engrave a random stone by yourself?
I used to live in an area where several granite stones of good sizes could be found. I would never have brought up the emotional strength of DIY my dads headstone right away, but 16 month later maybe?
Partly mentioned already but definitely check about colour/type restrictions for the plot she’s buried in. Our local cemetery for example only allows certain colours in each part of the cemetery so all in each area look similar.
Hello, we ordered one online and it was around £1,800 all inclusive with fitting etc. I found the process difficult with my emotions but felt so much better once it was done. I had been feeling guilty for not doing it earlier. Sorry for your loss x
As far as wording goes. If You are leaving a space for your father, concentrate on full name and the dates. Maybe a simple Beloved by her family underneath. So it is not too abrupt. Later (Hard to talk of I know. ) you can put his bits in and then the loved by their children and grandchildren etc. This time the expense is the stone, next time you will already have the stone so you can pay more for the words. You don’t want his name right at the bottom. Or squeezed on.
Wishing you the best.
I did my placement in a funeral directors years ago, whilst doing my NVQ. I have no idea what we charged as I did not study the leaflets in great detail, as I did not deal with families,
This was back in 2002, so prices would have changed
I am sure like everything, you can shop online and even find a local contractor to set it. I’m sure it’s all available
We paid in installments over a couple of years for my uncle, it’s maybe worth talking to a few different makers and companies if they offer those options.