I'm a 27m if that matters. I've been single most of my life without any serious relationship. I've spent most of my time focusing on my career. As I've gotten older I wanted to really put myself out there for dating. But I've found a pretty big red flag in myself I need to work through.
I've been friends with someone for a few months. We normally hung out in a friend group but when our friends cancelled on us we decided to hangout one on one. There was a immediate connection I didn't see. For the next month we hung out a few times a week talking for hours getting to know each other. After that month I decided to ask her out. We went on 3 dates but after the 3rd date she explained that she was moving soon. She was worried that we would end up getting hurt because of the distance. So we remained friends. In fairness, it was more of her in the break up. I tried to reason that we could make it work.
I thought I would be able to move on quickly but I simply couldn't. I kept thinking of way to convince her, how I had somehow failed, or became full of jealousy for not being the one she wanted. How come I couldn't move on but she could so easily? Did she really not like me?
After not seeing her for a month since she left I was able to reflect. I valued connection more than compatibility. She was able to maturely see that despite our connection there was a compatibility issue that mattered. I remember even being angry at her one time for saying she wished it worked out because in my head I thought all we needed was connection. But that's my inexperience dating. I didn't know you needed more than just the connection.
So how can I move past this? I get really head over heels when we have a good connection. I throw out all red flags and any compatibility issues. I know if I do this I'm only going to keep getting myself hurt or I'm going to wind up with the wrong person. I need to be able to maturely move past just the connection