I have never had a problem trying to make friends (apart from being the one to start it), if I’m honest. However, the more life goes on, I do not have the energy to have or keep friends ! I made so many friends this year and I’m so grateful and proud of myself since I started working but I keep finding myself avoiding my phone, my friends, anything to avoid talking to anyone. I tried out clubbing but by the end of it I’m miserable every time and bored of it and trying to act like it’s fun being out with anyone makes it worse. I want to be alone, but only speak to the person I like (not together with him).
I’m just scared I’ll do the same to him and want to disappear (socially) from everything again. I did it once for a year and I loved it. I just want to be alone, I need alone time to just get out the stress (I need to act out scenarios or I’ll lose what’s real and what’s not). But a friend I used to have called me selfish for taking time alone and not replying to her immediately and now I’m afraid I’ll make others think that way about me. I care too much what people think but it’s killing me slowly because I’m not giving myself the time I need to feel mentally stable again !