My '39F' boyfriend '45M' of 6 months thinks I cheated on him because I went out on a girl's weekend. He had insecurities about it before I left for the trip and told me he thought I would cheat. I tried to reassure him before I left. I constantly text him and sent him pictures while I was gone so he could see what I was doing. I've offered to let him go through everything on my phone, but he said I probably would've deleted everything by now. He says he'll stay with me but keeps making comments about me cheating. I'm not a cheater and never have been. Plus, I love him and just haven't told him yet because we've only been dating 6 months and I know he's not there yet. He has also made comments about cheating on me to "get back at me". Any advice on how I can prove to him I didn't cheat?


41 comments

  2. 6 months and he’s already acting absolutely insane.

    You can’t convince somebody this crazy, btw. And he’s threatening you with himself cheating? He might already be cheating on you… it’s not abnormal for cheaters to accuse their partner of doing the very thing they’re already doing.

    Dump this madman and get an STD test.

  3. > He had insecurities about it before I left for the trip and told me he thought I would cheat.

    If he doesn’t trust you, why is he dating you? Has he been cheated on in the past, or has he cheated on you/exes in the past when going on “lads'” trips?

    > I tried to reassure him before I left. I constantly text him and sent him pictures while I was gone so he could see what I was doing. I’ve offered to let him go through everything on my phone, but he said I probably would’ve deleted everything by now.

    Learn to set healthy boundaries and call out this sort of shitty behaviour.

    > Plus, I love him and just haven’t told him yet because we’ve only been dating 6 months

    You’re still in the early honeymoon stages, it’s more infatuation than love. Walk away from this walking red flag.

    > Any advice on how I can prove to him I didn’t cheat?

    Are you 19 or 39? Why would you want to prove anything to this sort of man? Especially after that last bit you mentioned?

    Don’t forget to get tested for STDs.

  4. You can’t. When someone has this kind of insecurity they’ll never believe anything you say. Thankfully you’ve discovered early in the relationship that he’s wildly insecure and will never give you a moment’s peace if you’re unwise enough to stay with him.

  6. He’s made up his mind really. Live with his demeaning untrustworthy comments or leave

  7. You don’t

    He needs to go and deal with his insecurities, you need to respect yourself more.

    Break up now, she wants to believe in it to make your life miserable. He is using it as a weapon, you already offered you phone, he will push it each time he needs something

  8. You can’t prove a negative.

    You’re in an abusive relationship.

    Why would you want to be with someone who has such a low opinion of you and no trust? Why would you want to be in a relationship where you’re constantly having to think about what you’re doing or saying to avoid interrogation and accusations?

    You can make your world very small to try to keep this guy around but it won’t fix the problem because you and your actions aren’t the problem.

  12. You leave him. I know that’s the cliched advice on here, but here me out:

    You can’t prove you didn’t cheat, and the point of his insecurities isn’t whether or not you cheated. That actually doesn’t matter to him. The point is to keep you on edge and looking to constantly prove your loyalty. Evidence doesn’t actually matter. Frankly, you’ve gone above and beyond, sending regular updates, even offering to surrender your phone which is a whole can of worms I won’t get into.

    Okay, I lied. Open phone access won’t prove you didn’t cheat. If you’re determined to find evidence of cheating, you’ll always find something, no matter how circumstantial. In his case, the fact it’s technically possible for you to delete messages. Privacy in a relationship is also a good thing, and in a trusting relationship, neither of you would care about the contents of the other’s phone.

    In fact, in a trusting relationship, he’d give you the benefit of the doubt and not accuse you of cheating when you are in a situation where his ability to monitor you is limited.

    The point is control, and you’re so wrapped up in proving your innocence, I’d bet good money there’s a lot of red flags that you’d pick up with any other person but aren’t even registering. His behavior is extremely concerning.

  13. Seems like he wants to cheat and he’s paving the way so that it’ll be acceptable when he does

  14. He’s 45. Come on!

    I don’t know why I have the feeling **he’s** the one who’s cheating and is projecting it on you.

  15. You don’t. His trust issues are his trust issues. He can choose to trust you or not. If he doesn’t, end this now.

  16. Huge red flag here. If he is acting like this at six months, I dont want to know how he will acting at 6 years. In my experience, this kind of insecure people are cheaters who project themselves.

  17. you can’t prove to him you didn’t cheat. he’s showing who he is and you need to believe it. It’s not going to get better over time.

  18. that just shows that he has set his mind already and that can be hard to change his view on it.

  19. No. You can’t reason someone out of a mindset they didn’t use reason to get to. He’s simply not a good partner. Happily it’s only been six months, just drop him and move on. You shouldn’t have to convince your bf that you’re a good person. That’s not how healthy relationships work.

  20. He could be cheating. My ex used to accuse me of cheating all the time (I never did and never have in my life) come to find out he was cheating. Now the flip side could be he’s been cheated on a lot in the past, but do you really want to spend your life being accused?

  21. Only 6 months in and already he’s waving a red flag PLUS HE’S 45 and acting like this, yikes girl! Get out now if he’s this insecure because this behavior will and can only get worse.

  22. The burden of proof is not on you. He’s making the accusation, so he should be the one to provide some evidence.

  23. You’re 39? Aren’t you a little old to be putting up with this nonsense? Just leave him. It’s not even worth the effort to resolve.

  24. As someone who has only been in toxic relationships (my fault as well) and now I’m in my first healthy one…. He has issues and he needs to learn to determine real breaches of trust from imagined ones. I will also imagine my partner has cheated, pulled away, etc But that’s my problem. Instead of complaining to him, I will journal or talk to friends and they will help me determine whether I’m having a trauma response. It happens less and less. My partner trusts me and I trust him, I just have baggage.
    If you really love him and you want to try to keep this, suggest he start working on his insecurities.

  25. You don’t. You can’t. You never will be able to. Ask me how I know. You don’t have to ask, I’ll tell you. I dated one of these for 3 months. He never believed a word I said, no matter how much proof. He had the code to my phone, I could never see his. He would make things up about what I was doing – showing up at my work and embarrassing me. In my case, he ended up turning physically abusive. Yours may not, but what he’s doing is still very toxic and unhealthy – and you deserve way better.

  26. I would 100% assume someone who is this gung-ho about me cheating, is just projecting at this point.

  27. DO NOT STAY WITH THIS MAN. 

    He is using this as an opportunity to control you completely, in a way that makes you think that it’s YOUR IDEA. 

    He’s learned that if he comes into the relationship this controlling, good women don’t tolerate it. So he waits for an opportunity to say that his feelings are justifiable (they are not) and then uses it like a can opener to wedge his control issues into your life. 

    Seriously, if you stay with him, it will get worse. 

    Ask yourself how all of his other relationships ended. Ask yourself if he’s been love bombing you and insisting on you making some kind of verbal promises of your feelings even when you first started dating. Ask yourself if you think he’s serious about cheating as revenge. 

    Then ask yourself if a friend of yours told you all of this, instead of it happening to you, what would your advice to her be?

  29. Date someone who likes you, instead of someone who makes you beg him to treat you like you’re a decent person

  30. Have you stopped to think why should you prove this? Is he going to accuse you of cheating every time you go out without him? Why did he even think you’re cheating? It’s not a minor accusation. And it’s only gonna get worse. If he has this kind of immaturity at 45, girl you know he’s never gonna change. Even if you think you can handle him, that you love him or whatever, you really don’t want to be dealing with this kind of behavior. Trust me, it’ll only get worse. And you deserve a partner that trusts and respects you. This guy’s not it.

  31. 1, you can’t prove a negative

    2, he’s probably the one whose actually cheating

    3, this is a form of emotional abuse

  32. You can NEVER prove you DIDN’T cheat

    Even if you stay in your house 24/7 and never go out and never spend further time with friends and family ever again

    Nothing you do will be enough to stop him accusing you and appease him. He’ll try to isolate you and you’ll be walking in eggshells forever, scared even to go out and get a pint of milk

    He’ll demand access to your phone and go through your stuff, but he’ll never have the reassurance he needs.

    It’s VERY likely HE cheated that weekend…

    Source: years and years of experience

  33. I am your age and honestly I couldn’t be assed to put up with such a immature behaviour and insecurity problems which I would expect a 45yo dude should have had therapy for and dealt with 20 years ago…
    Especially that its only been 6 months… you don’t need to prove anything to him, you can’t prove it…
    If he cannot grasp that at 45yo he never will.
    Its him problem, its not your problem.
    If you can be bothered I suppose go for it…

  34. Did you ever consider he wants you on the defensive so he has the upper hand and control over the relationship? Please don’t let your infatuation blind you to the huge red flags that this man is not healthy relationship material.

    And wtf sis, “get back at you”? Do you WANT to be in an abusive relationship? Because this is how it starts. Do better, for your own sake.

  35. He is assuming you’re cheating without proof.

    He said, out loud, that he wants to cheat on you.

    Only one of you has proof of potential infidelity. And it isn’t him.

    Do with that as you will.

  37. Have you ever tried to get to the root of his insecurity? That’s the only way this ever gets resolved, if you’re interested in that at all. If you truly want a future with him, you have to get to the root of the insecurity. I used to kinda be like that, in my twenties though. I was cheated on and lied to and it really hurt me quite a bit. My wife now of 14 years has dealt with my insecurity with open honesty and communication, and I usually apologize and thank her for it when she had to.

    But there is a line you have to draw as well. At a certain point, there’s nothing more you can say or do, he has to calm his mind. Sounds like you’re at that point now.

  40. He doesn’t trust you and it sounds like this is just the beginning of him being a complete arsehole to you.

    If you suspected him of cheating because you were insecure af, would you tell him you were going to cheat on him to get even? Or would you use your brain and realise you don’t trust him and if after 6 months you can’t trust him, it’s time to leave?

  41. How do you prove to your bf that some shyt he made up in his head about you isn’t true? 🤔 You don’t 😐 he literally believes this shyt about you without reason 🤷🏾‍♀️ there is nothin you can do to change that. It’s a him problem. But all that aside, these are his insecurities that he needs to work through, it’s only been 6mos do you really see having to defend yourself every time you wanna chill with your friends/family or anyone who isn’t him…every time you go somewhere without him…every time you’re running late from work or due to traffic? He’s making his problems to be yours. Are you really ok with him doin’ that to you? He’s literally tossing around the notion of “getting back” at you for some shyt you haven’t even done 😭 bruuuuh red flags are red for a reason 🤦🏾‍♀️ stop squinting and convincing yourself they’re light pink! 🥴

Leave a Reply
You May Also Like