TW/
Hello everyone I wanted to get a bit of advice for my relationship. I am a 22(F) and i’ve been with my boyfriend 21(M) for a year and a half. We both are so in love with each other and are in the healthiest most meaningful relationship of our lives. He is my second half and I am his. Its crazy how similar we are about everything from politics, to religion, to manga, to our favorite shows, to food opinions, to what we want for the future, how we view the world, the activities we love. It’s almost surreal how compatible we are and we were introduced by my best friend. It’s like a dream. What was not a dream was this guy who became obsessive with me, I didn’t want to be with him. He ended up following me and badly assaulting me. It’s been very difficult to cope with what happened he raped me and i lost consciousness during the attack. My boyfriend stood by as my university investigated this and kicked out the perpetrator. He stood by me with so much love and support during involving the police. He stood by and supported me while I sued the absolute fuck out of that piece of shit (and won). He did everything right I truly can’t imagine how he could’ve been better throughout it. At first our sexual dynamic didn’t feel negative after things happened. I coped with a bit of what i now recognize through therapy was hypersexuality. All I wanted to do was fuck this man he is so beautiful and he makes me feel safe and loved. He always checked in and made sure that I wanted and felt most comfortable with our dynamic. However after the lawsuit settled and I stopped smoking weed which i definitely used to cope my sex drive just depleted fully. I was and am furious at the police for their absolute lack of help even though the guy was so deranged he literally wrote me a letter talking about how he raped me with word for word admission and signed it. Where I just think about sex now and I feel gross. I think about all the questions I was asked during the investigation and lawsuit and it all relates to my body and sex and so much of it felt like victim blaming and sexist. It’s like the concept of sex itself reminds me of that all. It’s so gross how he traumatized and hurt me because he just wanted to get off. I can’t let it go. But I want to feel that desire for my partner, i’m so attracted to him and i love him so much but i just don’t feel that sexual desire i feel more like the best friends ever but romantic as well and i don’t know how to reconnect with my sexuality. I spoke to him and he told me that he loves me and we never have to have sex if I don’t want it that he’s here for me not sex. It’s not him applying any pressure to me. It’s me to myself. I want to reconnect with sex for ME. But also because I want to share that with him. Was wondering if anyone had any advice. Please be kind