We have been dating for nearly a year and half now. Throughout our entire relationship, I have never been “heads over heels” for him. I remember feeling unsure the moment he asked me to be his girlfriend, but I said yes because he had checked off all the boxes that I wanted in a partner (ie ambitious, goals in life, I enjoy spending time with him, and so on). He is a perfectly fine significant other. There are certain things I don’t like about him but that is normal as in every relationship and we work on it. All in all, our relationship is fine; great even.
The longer we date, the more I feel that I love him for the sake of the relationship. The security that I have someone there for me. In the beginning, it was obvious how much he liked me and that security is just nice. And now, I do know he truly loves me. He shows it in so many ways and is so supportive of me and everything that I do.
I certainly don’t think I am settling for him. He is very successful and everything that I could want in a partner. But there are just small things. Tiny parts of his personality that just irk me. Sometimes his sense of humor bothers me at times. Or how annoyed he gets at little inconveniences. These small moments makes me scared about spending my life with him. If I don’t see myself with him for the rest of my life, then this relationship is pointless to continue.
These waves of doubt comes in cycles. Some weeks I feel so much love for him and that he is the only one for me. But others weeks I feel so trapped in the relationship. I mean he is only my second relationship so there is so much I haven’t experienced so I want to go out and explore. But then I think these feelings of doubt are just because of greed and the desire for something better out there, when there really isn’t.
I do love him. But I think my idea of love is a little fucked up. I feel like if I truly loved him, then I wouldn’t even consider the idea that I would leave him if there were someone better out there.
TLDR: I (F19) feel unhappy with my relationship (M25). How do I navigate my emotions to know what to do about this relationship?
2 comments
Then go out and explore. This is one of the problems with your age gap – you are just getting out there, everything’s mostly new and fresh while he’s likely looking towards settling down.
You’re 19. It makes sense that you have doubts about wanting to commit to him. It might just be that it’s not him per se, but more that you’re not ready to commit. You two are likely in very different stages of life given the age difference, and that can affect how well you can relate to each other.
I can’t tell you if you should stay with him or not, but I will say that you wouldn’t be a bad person for leaving. It makes sense and there would be nothing wrong with that.