I've (F29) been with my boyfriend (31M) for just over a year. From the start, we clicked immediately and felt like we’d known each other our entire lives. However, I noticed early on that certain situations really set him off. When he’s watching sports, he yells and cusses at the TV. He also has serious road rage, and if we’re even a few minutes late to something, he freaks out.
Around our one-year anniversary, I noticed a shift in how he treats me. He’s been making more snarky remarks, and I no longer feel emotionally supported. It doesn’t feel like we’re a team, and I could really use more encouragement from him. There have been times when I’ve gotten so upset from holding everything in that I ended up crying, and it’s only then that he becomes gentle and apologizes.
I’m generally a positive and calm person, and I love treating everyone with warmth and respect. I’m also very social. That said, I’ve been known to have an avoidant attachment style due to my upbringing, and I’m terrible at speaking up about my feelings. People have also told me that I’m an empath, which means I deeply feel others’ emotions. This is why his reactions to things like traffic and sports cause me a lot of anxiety, even though he’s not directing them at me. I’ve been to therapy in the past, but I can’t afford it right now.
I really care about him and see a future with him, but the thought of opening up to him about how I’ve been feeling gives me a lot of anxiety. I will say, when I’ve opened up to him in the past, he’s been really supportive. It’s just the idea of not knowing how he’s going to react or even just speaking about how I’m feeling freaks me out. I’m hoping to get some advice on how to approach this conversation. Any pointers on talking points or how to gently address this would be greatly appreciated.
TL;DR: I've been with my boyfriend for just over a year. He’s become more irritable and unsupportive, and I struggle to open up about how this affects me. I’m a positive, calm person but his anger over small things like traffic and sports causes me anxiety. I’m looking for advice on how to gently address my feelings with him.