Hey guysss
So I have been thinking more about relationships/dating and have been reflecting. I have been with my current partner for about 6 months, and it has not been the most smooth sailing. Most other relationships I found just kind of… worked. But when I looked back I realized I put constant effort and intensity into them, didnt have respect for myself, constantly threw fits to make guys do what I wanted and both sides of the party were immature and crazy. Just assuming we would get married and all this crazy intense atmosphere.
Now, I dont feel that weird feral intensity of need. Like I used to get this feeling like if I was away from the person I was dating the world would fall apart. And i thought that was what love IS. But, now that I'm with my new partner, I dont feel that way at all. I feel like oh well, there are qualities I enjoy, and things that I dont enjoy, and I'm dating them and processing if I mind these things or not. Before I wouldnt register the things I didnt like, I would just steam roll over them with rose colored construction equipment.
I'm finding that I am comfortable knowing we may not last forever, and I am finding comfort in the fact that we may not be "the ones" but that we can enjoy our time for now. And if we do end up lasting, and the things we don't mesh on end up working better with time that would be nice too.
I am starting to find that my Joy and happiness comes from within, not from having a partner and planning dates. That the time we spend together is special in its own way, but not because it is the only way.
I'm hoping the new love that I am learning will be more stable and calm than the obbsession that I have experienced in the past.
Just wanted to share my thoughts for others who may struggle with a history of codependency and emotionally draining relationships. For people with strong and lasting relationships, that experienced emotional abuse in the past, what is your healing journey like? and how did you find your love?