General advice

I will start by understanding that I know I am borderline lonely and potentially have minor depression.

I think writing this here to air it out will help admit that.

I broke up with my last long term GF August 2019. It was unexpected and a bit of a dick move. What I mean by that, was she said she wasn’t sure where this was going, and perhaps we needed to take a break. This was over text before we were meant to spend the day together. I was a bit like wtf… unexpected, so went out for a long run to clear my head. The kind where I just switch off and go. I got so far that I realised I had no food/water and was dehydrated to the point I could not go further. I worked out where I was, and got something to drink. I had not quite a million texts, but several from her. I knew at that point, if it was some sort of sick joke to test my commitment, this was not the person I needed to be with so said that to her, and cut ties. It was tough.

I then decided to have some time to myself, my hobbies, find myself. I did, and then covid happened.

Dating during covid sucked to the point I gave up.

We all know how long that lasted, so I decided to bite the bullet and start again. I met a couple of people but things just didn’t seem to click. I am an over-thinker, but when it comes to relationships I trust my heart.

I then met someone special. A bit like me I thought, an over thinker, a scatter brain. We got on well, but she needed space.

I think I gave too much space, but that lasted a while as I am a heart / light at the end of the tunnel guy. It’s not who you are happy with today, but who you would be happy with long term, and deal with the bumps along the road to get there.

Anyhow she has been a little distant, so much that I thought I should possibly think she is it the one for me.

I tried a few more dates – again no click, but there was one. She is the loveliest person, and I might be self sabotaging as I found a ‘but’.

I think I need a break. A break from life in general. Find me and then take things from there.

This is a difficult decision, as will involve potentially some time off work. All I know is on the current road, I am not in a happy place. I think the last few years I have totally switched off telling myself I don’t have life as bad as others during the pandemic, and I have lost myself ind king so by not answering some questions in the back of my mind.

I need to find myself again.