when i was a kid, my parents were very overboard with discipline on all fronts. i was always told to stand up for myself and how to deal with what a bully in school might do, but i never got put in the position to do so, and it turns out the bully was the people at home waiting to chastise/abuse me for little things.
one thing i remember my mom and dad telling me after/during getting whipped was ‘if you cry, i’ll really give you something to cry about’. so i had to force myself to not do it anymore when they were around, or make sure that i didn’t give any signs away when i finally was left alone.
the last time i truly shed a tear and cried was in july of 2011, while i was in BMT for the military, and i just… stopped. as of recent, i’ve experienced heartbreak, family death, and just a world of struggle that i have over come, but i always remembered that i couldn’t get myself to cry about it. i think being able to do that is a healthy thing, and no matter the therapist or issue i face, i don’t get choked up or have that feeling that it’s gonna happen.
is there something wrong with me? is it fine that i can’t get myself to do this? i give off this vibe that i don’t care anymore, even to my own parents, when i don’t express emotions for difficult situations.