Tl;dr – My GF has mentioned how she has done mistakes that have haunted her and hurt other people. That she has been around the wrong crowd enough times. From the sounds of it most of it happened during college. She recently mentioned how she has a sister who she feels hates her and then followed it by saying that she understands because she did something to her that was really fucked up. Something she would prefer I never know but will tell me when she feels comfortable. I want to respect her privacy since it all happened before we got together but now it has me owndering whether she is repeating some of the same mistakes today that she is worrie about. Like hanging around toxic people and defending their actions even when others warn her about them.
My GF(F32) and I (M30) met a few years back and were pretty good friends for about a year before we started to date. I know alot of her secrets and she knows alot of mine. In her 20s she was a bigger partier than I was and im someone who's more mellow and I like to go out but Ive never drank to get fucked up basically. As our relationship has progressed (we live together now) sometimes she says certain life decisions have haunted her. Things that she hasnt told me and she says that I probably havent made mistakes as close to what she has made. I try to tell her that I wouldnt judge her for any mistake she made before we got together and that I know the person she is now. I tell her whenever she wants to tell me these things Ill be a lending ear for her.
She doesnt say much but what she does say is that she made certain decsions that hurt alot of people when she was in college and hung around certain people she shouldnt have. Thats usually where she ends the conversation. During our most recent conversation she mentioned how her and one of her sisters have never seen eye to eye and she knows her sister hates her. Lately they both have been talking on the phone more (her sister is thinking of visiting us) and she was telling me how she misses how they used to be closer and fight alot less. I kind of knew the dynamic and told her that sometimes siblings just fight when they live close to each other but love each other when they dont have to deal with eachother's BS everyday (similar to me and my sister). Then my GF said something that has kind of gotten me to think since and she said that she feels her sister hates her but she wouldnt blame her sister for it because she did something years ago that was really fucked up and that she would have a hard time forgiving her for if it had happened in reverse. Already in my head I started to picture what it could be (i.e. snitching, a fight, something embarrasing?) I asked her waht and my GF didnt want to say and said that she wants to tell me but not right now. I told her I would be all ears when she feels comfortable telling me. We were also on our way to the airport so I took it as her not wanting to ruin the vacation. Now we are back home and just all of these things has been kind of bothering me. I dont want to pressure her to say something she deosnt want to say but im wondering if its things I should know.
Like when she says she used to hang around the wrong people, even though that is in the past and before me I am curiosu if its something that can come back or has come back. Like 2 of her closest friends today are people that I feel take advantage of her and she is too nice to call them out which at times affects us. If this is the reason we end up breaking up I can see her in the future having regret for letting her toxic freinds get in between us. So is she repeating the same mistakes she did 10 years ago? I thought about asking her other sister but I feel its not in my place to look for answers.
What I know about my GF (From what I hear from her and others) is that she dated alot of trashy guys (drinking problems, anger issues, etc) and im likely the best BF she has ever had. One of her sisters has mentioned how she has dated guys who disrespect her in a consistent basis. So to me it kind of makes sense how she has a few toxic friends as her exes sound alot more toxic than her current friends (and these guys are really toxic).
Is it fair for me to ask what happened or should I just let her tell me when the time is right?