I’m in a relationship which I’m happy and content in and I couldn’t really fault it at all, I’m satisfied but recently a women at my workplace and I have been talking during lunch and we’ve really hit it off.
She’s given me signs that she’s interested in me and I find her really interesting and enjoyable to be around as we share alot of similarities, she’s not propositioned me with anything at this stage but even at this stage of our communication I find myself morally not feeling right and conflicted and I don’t know what to do,
Has anybody else experienced this and how did it play out?
30 comments
Either pick your existing relationship or end it and spin the dice with the new girl.
You don’t really have any other options. Just don’t fucking cheat or have an affair.
If you pick your existing relationship then you are going to need to majorly distance out from the new girl.
If you pick the new girl you’ll need to officially end your existing relationship before you cross any serious lines.
You are the only person who can answer which way is the right way to go here.
Control yourself. Just consider how any improper conversations or actions would hurt your partner if they were to find out.
No one needs to know what gets your motor running as long as you park in the right garage.
You can’t control who you develop feelings for. Stop feeling guilty for that. You can control what you do with those feelings though. If you haven’t done anything physical with her or flirted with her then you have nothing to feel guilty about.
You power through it and recommit to your partner. You try harder, you fix and improve parts of your relationship that need it, you go out and have more fun with your partner, you flirt with her more and have more sexy time and take all the energy you get from your coworker and put it into your partner. And then ignore all the signs that your coworker is interested in you. Pretend they don’t exist and that you’re oblivious. You’re allowed to have friends and have chemistry with those friends. And if she ever becomes more overt with her “signs” then you stop talking to her because she isn’t respecting the boundaries in your relationship.
To preface, I don’t have any intention on following through with my feelings or be adulterous as that’s not who I am but it’s more the moral confliction I have as I know I probably shouldn’t feel this way but I still do.
Well, what do you want from a relationship? Whats your long term goals? Is your current relationship satisfy you? Are you just horny for the new gal?
Maybe stop to re-evaluate the “signs” that she has given you to express her interest as well as some of the other points that have been raised already. A lot of the time what is considered normal, friendship level intimacy for women’s friendships might come off as very intimate in a friendship with a hetero man. If she has not explicitly expressed a romantic interest in you, she could just think that you are very good friends and be happy with the way things are. Before you run the risk of losing/altering both relationships by making the wrong move, take time to be sure.
How would you feel and what would you want your partner to do for you if the roles were flipped?
Disclaimer regarding if it’s already mentioned in the thread, but the emotional cheating thing is always brought up but seems like a grey area to me… everyone has different circumstances, uncontrollable thoughts, etc.
If you stand for monogamy, you’ll have question if you want to lock up your current girl long term or tell her how you feel and see her reaction and go from there.
The workplace girl…. just going off assumptions/past experiences… shit doesn’t end well. This isn’t The Office. Shit’ll likely get messy and stressful, but hey if you become single and get some good fucks out of it without guilt, bravo.
I give you props for seeking advice because it shows you’re well intentioned and trying to act good. I would bounce it off close people in your life who understand your situation more.
Stay friends with the new woman if she is a good person, but don’t have an [emotional affair](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Emotional_affair) with her, either.
I was dated a woman who had an emotional affair with a guy while I was dating her. It hurt to feel like I was second best in my own relationship; go figure it ended soon enough.
If you really love your current partner, don’t do that to her.
When you speak to her, keep it purely professional and avoid her. The crush will probably go away but it’s not worth getting involved. Even if your relationship isn’t what you want, break up with her and stay single for a bit and get your head correct.
Don’t shit where you eat, son. That means don’t fuck people at work. You will be tempted many times. What kind of person do you want to be?
You distance yourself for a while. I’ve had a friend develop a crush on me and was nice enough to let me know so we could establish some stricter boundaries until the feelings passed.
You’re in a relationship. That should be the end of the conversation.
A woman that knows your in a relationship but is ‘giving you the signs she’s interested’ should not be trusted. This spells trouble.
You could do what my ex did, keep your current relationship on a string and end it when the new relationship is 100% certain. /s. Dont actually do this. I just wanted to say my ex was a absusive piece of shit.
You have a few options;
Let the coworker know your relationship and create distance.
Don’t say anything and create distance yourself, takes self control though.
If you want to pursue this coworker, end your current relationship first.
Lastly, cheating isn’t an option. Imagine your girlfriend asking the same question to a girls group. What would you tell her?
Went through this EXACTLY. Don’t leave your girlfriend. Put some space between you and this work girl, and stop fantasizing about being with someone new when you have someone who already makes you happy. Work girl most likely does not feel the same and is just being friendly. Take off your rose tinted glasses
I have never developed a crush when I’m in a genuinely happy relationship. You either cut contact with the new girl. Consider if any of what you are doing Is crossing the line. Or Leave your relationship or be open and honest with your partner.
Here’s a genuinely good advice – introduce her to your wife.
Relationships where you are happy, content and at peace are hard to come by these days. Unless you’ve lost attraction for your partner I wouldn’t waste your time on the crush. If you have lost attraction for your partner that’s it’s own issue
If she knows you’re in a relationship then run. Not cool to hit on people who are dating
I had that exact same thing
I started to develop a crush on a girl at work. Took a while before I realised it was an indicator that I wasnt happy in the relationship I was in.
So I split up with my gf because it was the right thing to do. I wasnt happy and she wasnt right for me.
A few months later I started dating the girl from work. 5 years later I married her. 17 years later we’re still together
Don’t stay with your gf if you’re not committed to her. Don’t mess either girl around by playing around with both.
Do be prepared for the girl at work not being interested after all, or dating her and splitting up and being single again and working with someone you got rejected by or used to date but split up from
Date both of them
You have two choices. You can break up with your current gf and pursue this woman. Or you can ignore any developing feelings that you may have for your co-worker. In order to see if a potential relationship is possible with the co-worker you must actually date, go to movies, dinners, trips, meet each other friends and develop a sexual relationship. You cannot do that while in your current relationship. It’s dishonest to both women for them to think that they are your primary one. You would have to lie outright to one while you with the other one. Can you do that? Maintain a sustained series of lies to people that you care about? Maybe you will break up with your gf. And discover in 3 months that meh, the co-worker is nor for you. Do you think your old gf would welcome you back? Or maybe the co-worker really is The One. Whatever you choose, do in honestly and without the trashiness of lies and deceit. Remember, that the co-worker knows that you are attached and if she is still willing to pursue a relationship with you, it speaks volumes about her character as well. Once a cheater, always a cheater.
Other people have given you some good opinions there, so I’ll just add that new is always exciting.
That exciting newness won’t last if you get with this person.
I was in a similar boat a few years back. New girl on our office was really cute and we shared a lot of similar interests. I’ve been in a committed relationship for years, and I decided that I wasn’t going to screw up my home life. I buried those feelings of attraction deep down, stayed friends with my co-worker and shot down any invitations to hangout outside of work. Still happily with my girlfriend
One Good girl is Worth more than a million other girls.
Appreciate what you have before ya ain’t got it anymore.
You get the fuck over it and grow up stop acting like a fuck boy
Don’t shit where you eat.