(16f) i don’t know how to start. i am so socially awkward and passive and it’s really affecting my social life. i seldom starts a conversation and if i do, i don’t know how to continue the conversation and it’ll end up being very awkward so the person will just leave or the group will stop talking to me and continue their conversation. this makes me feel like every time i try to join in a group, i am not welcomed.
i hate it i hate it so much. i just came into a realisation that the friends i’ve made are all coming from either they talk to me first or we gradually become friends in a friend group (obviously i joined bc my friends joined me in). i never made friends by myself.
when i joined a new community, theres a friend group and i literally can’t join in at all. while another new girl joined in so effortlessly and quickly and i just stood outside of their friends awkwardly…happens every time im in a new environment unless someone includes me in.
there’s one time i met my teammate in a train station after working together (we have talked a few times). he noticed me so i waved at him and said hi awkwardly. i don’t know him well enough to have a conversation one to one, so i decided to walk past him and stood away from him. (and then silence…im glad there were other people or else it would be so much more awkward oml) i could see that he wanted to chat with me but the way i’m scared of face to face convo with someone that’s not my close friends didn’t give me the confidence to walk up to him. then i realised i lost an opportunity to make a new friend 🙂
im stuck with my friends that i’ve made years ago in primary school lol. anyways thanks for reading my long ass vent love you😭