I (26F) went on a date with a man (29M). He got a ride to the date. I drove myself in my car. The date went well and I did want to see him again.
He asked me for a ride home because he didn’t have a car (he just moved across the country recently). He told me he didn’t have a car when the date was over. I felt guilty saying no and felt responsible to be his ride, so I took him home. He lived 20 minutes from my house. It’s not that far, but still out of the way.
On the second date, he asked me to pick him up and take him home. I reluctantly agreed, because I was scared that if I say no then he wouldn’t want to see me again. On the third date, he seemed to expect me to pick him up. Honestly, I was tired of being a chauffeur.
I noticed a number of men who don’t have cars and ask for rides.
How do I navigate the next situation where my date asks me for a ride and how do I tell them no?
33 comments
“I don’t want to give you a ride home”. That’s how you say that. Don’t overthink it. It’s very simple.
More likely you’re just afraid of coming across as rude. But you have to learn how to not give a flying fuck about that and say your piece.
Alternatively, you can send him [this video](https://youtu.be/FrLequ6dUdM).
You just tell them no. They can be in charge of their own transportation. And if they don’t want to go on the date because of that, then so be it.
Just say you don’t want to give him a ride. I’ve learned that if I don’t speak up for myself, I will continue to get ran over and always be that person. It’s ok not to want to do something. So be honest and just tell him.
Oh heck no. Just say “it kills the vibe when I need to drive you places” but honestly do you really want to date someone who’s 29 and can’t figure out public transit or an Uber? Has he given you gas money?
Does he have money for a cab or Uber? what about a bus? he found a way to get there. He should find a way to be able to leave. you too don’t really know each other that would be probably too soon.
Strange reading this and the responses.
I don’t think there are many men who would think twice about giving a girl a ride. It wouldn’t even be something they would mention or think about.
Yet it seems to be a great strain and inconvenience for the OP.
If you can’t speak your mind with someone on date one, it won’t improve much by date 1,000. It’s actually a good litmus test so don’t miss the opportunity that is being presented.
Why is it every time women have to deal with something men deal with for just a little bit, they fold? Cars are not easy to come by and you know this dude just moved across the country. If you liked him enough this wouldn’t be an issue.
I would kind of understand the part about not wanting to give a first date a ride if it was just about being concerned for your safety, but if you want to keep dating this guy other than the car, you have to ask yourself if you’re just being shallow.
Yes is a valid answer. If no car is deal breaker and you want a guy with a nice whip, just tell him. Don’t make him fall in love for you and then kick him to the curb later and make fun of him for being his chauffeur.
This is clearly not okay with you, whether we agree with it or not doesn’t matter. You need to be honest with him. But remember men have feelings too.
Be direct…”please arrange your own transportation. I am not comfortable driving you.” If that’s a problem, move on, they aren’t the one.
What time are you getting home after everything is said and done? If it’s like 2 AM and you’re exhausted I kind of get it, but you have to see how this is really not that out of your way. Plus it’s only 20 minutes? That’s really not that far.
Also, part of liking someone is doing inconvenient things FOR THEM. What do you think being in a relationship will be like?
Like many others said, flip the script. No man would said no to picking up their date or dropping them off.
Stop seeing this guy if you mind driving him home. Because if you’re hoping to be in a relationship with him, you’ll be driving him around more. He won’t suddenly be able to drive when you’re together
You politely decline. Just say “I have a few errands to run and won’t have time to pick you up tonight, shall we just meet at X?” Ultimately if you don’t say anything he assumes you are ok with it. Communicate your needs.
Go on dates closer to where he lives until he gets a car. First thing that comes to mind for me.
Theres a lot of women without cars and men pick them up with no issues. Why do yall whine about shit like that so much
“Are you going to get a car soon? I’m not a happy chauffeur, HAHAHA. Seriously, what are your plans?”
“No but I can meet you there”
If the dude can’t handle getting to the date and back on his own, that’s a sign they shouldn’t be dating rn
The bigger problem here is you folding in so easily. Giving a by that point stranger a ride home could be dangerous. Try to get better at speaking up for yourself and putting yourself first.
Ew, what a bum. Can’t he call an Uber or something?
>I noticed a number of men who don’t have cars and ask for rides.
And the ones that do have their shit together are still single somehow.
Women wanted equality now they have it they cry lmao
Men have put up with inconveniences with woman for forever.
Grow up and suck it up. Drive your date around or end up alone like the rest of us who got sick of people over small things.
Tell him no and that you find it unattractive.
Am I weird or old? If I enjoyed spending time with someone, and he only lived 20 minutes by car away, I’d be happy to pick him and drive him home. I thought it was customary to offer friends a ride home after dinner and such.
“I don’t want no scrubs” playing may be the not so subtle hint he needs…
If you feel you absolutely must say something beyond, “I don’t want to give you a ride home,” you might add, “I can’t see myself moving forward with a man who can’t communicate and plan about a known issue happening the same day. I’m sorry but I won’t be seeing you again.”
I would disagree with the bluntness of some replies, but I would definitely phrase it as “sorry, I have some errands to run and cannot.”
I’m having a tough time relating to this one coming from public transport + biking based country.
While I’m not saying throw the whole man away, maybe reconsider and inspect a little closer. I can’t imagine for the life of me going on a date and having NO PLAN TO GET BACK HOME in a new city. Like what if the date went horribly? what if you got a ride from a friend? What if you had to leave the date early for an emergency?
I don’t like that he doesn’t seem to have a proper plan, – Ask him what his back up plan was if you didn’t give him a ride.
– Ask him what his plans are regarding transportation in the future (when are you getting a bike/car)
– start planning dates near his house so you can still date him but he can walk/bike home
– is he paying his fair share or are you covering for both?
– ask yourself what part of giving him a ride do you not like; is it the power dynamic? Is it the expectation? is it safety? When you know what part it is that bothers you, you can find a way to work around it if you’d really like to keep dating this man
– is he really just new in the city and needs to get oriented or is he “new” in the city and doesn’t plan to find solutions if others do it for him? (Think of the kind of people that just sleep on a bare mattress with no sheets or bed frame)
“I don’t want no scrubs, because a scrub is a guy that can’t get no love from me” you’re welcome girl
So gender war bullshit exists in this sub too lol
Regardless of gender, any expectation to transform a favor to an obligation is offputting to say the least. He is doing that, maybe he isn’t aware of it but I doubt it.
At least he should’ve offered somewhere closer for you to pick up, not his home directly. He doesn’t even do that, so yeah I’m with you. Not a good signal at such an early stage of the relationship.
If he has money to date, he should have enough money for his own ride. Don’t date scrubs.
Simply say you can’t give him a ride, it’s not hard.
You are not his mother. Stand firm on this. If you set chauffeuring as a precedent he expect it every time.
The fact that he didn’t tell you he needed a ride until the end of the date is super manipulative.
He might not even have a drivers license. Perhaps he had some dwi’s ?