How important an attribute in a partner is their ability to physically “protect” you?

33 comments

1. On one hand, I have a cordless hole puncher in my waistband the majority of the time to cover any SHTF self-defense problems should they arise.

   On the other hand: I’m (optimistically) a 5’3 stick with tits.

   I’ve been doing BJJ for years, but I’m well aware of the fact that at a point, that doesn’t mean shit if there’s a substantial enough weight/size/(drug-/) fuel advantage.

   My husband’s got a solid foot+ and like x2.5 my own bodyweight on me, used to wrestle heavyweight in college and still has the build 20ish years later. Dude’s basically a very, very attractive long lost cousin to Bigfoot in a human suit.

   Of the great many number of reasons why he’s fucking awesome and my best friend on the planet, the lizard/monkey part of my brain isn’t complaining about having my own personal assault gorilla.

2. That is not something I take into consideration at all.

3. Zero important.

4. Quite important

5. It’s something that is important for my relationship.

   My father never protected me when I was a kid. If someone had ever tried to assault or even sexually harass me, I believe my father would have done nothing and likely just tell me to learn from my mistake for the future.

   It’s important to me to know that my husband is willing to protect me.

6. It’s more based on: WOULD they try to protect me. Speaking from a 4’11 gal, I would fight anyone who would try to hurt my loved ones. I expect the same if I was in need of help.

7. Quite important if we were in the wild but we live in a moderately ‘civilised’ society so not as important. Think what matters is how able they are in being able to mingle and use their intellect to thrive in society.

8. It’s extremely important to me bc I get attacked a lot.

9. I expect someone I am with to stand up for me and to not abandon me. But, in terms of a traditional “protector” role? That is of basically negative importance. I have literally never had an experience where that was relevant. But, every dude I have ever met who put a lot of emphasis on his ability to protect either has anger management problems and/or uses that as an excuse to not pull his weight with household responsibilities so someone using that as a selling point is a red flag to me.

10. Not important at all. I can’t think of a single situation in which I’d want or need my partner to physically protect me.

11. Not important to me at all, I can protect myself. And its best for all women to get to that point, your partner wont be around 24/7

12. Important. But also I lived in a large large city where catcalling and men being creepy is common. That’s going to be the father of my children, I want to feel protected.

13. I can protect myself, but I fully expect him to have my back.

14. Absolutely 0%. If I wanted protection, I’d hire a bodyguard.

    Also, I’m a big lady and annoyingly independent, so I really don’t need anyone to protect me.

15. In a fight I’m more likely to save him from getting his ass kicked, just saying.

16. The attribute I require is HIM not to be a threat to my safety.

17. A partner should be there for you. That’s why they are your partner.

18. I wouldn’t say it’s the most important thing, but it certainly factors in a little bit.

    I’m 5 foot 2, young (22) and I look my age. I’m probably perceived to be an ‘easy target’, especially on nights out. I’ve been harassed and touched inappropriately more times than I can count, and I’m definitely not out of this world attractive. You know what stops that from escalating? The presence of a man who looks like he can fight. It’s a sad reality.

    But I’m naturally into older, taller, stocky men, so they often look like they could protect me, if it came down to it. I can protect myself, but I’d rather have someone backing me up, since I can’t make myself look threatening.

19. not important. i’m queer, some of the people i’ve dated are small women. does that mean i’m the one who has to “physically protect”?

    also, your male partner is the person most likely to hurt you, so being able to physically protect you also means being able to overpower you 🤷‍♀️

20. I had told my son there are 2 times that I appreciate the size of a man. If he’s an aggressor in sizing him up and looking for weaknesses and insecurities so I know how to defend myself. The other time is if I’m with a man and there’s an aggressor. I first will size up the guy with me and then the aggressor, so I know how to defend us both.

    And funny enough, I also told my son I would love to date a guy who could pick me up and run down the street. His response was “WHAT CRAZY ASS SCOOBY DOO S**T DO YOU PLAN TO BE DOING?!” 🤣🤣🤣🤣

21. I never considered it.

22. while I can protect myself, I would like my partner to be able to physically put my safety first & stand up for me if needed. he knows I wouldn’t put up with shit, but I shouldn’t have to & that’s where he steps in.

23. Suuuper important. I need to know and feel I’ll be protected and safe.

24. Physically? Couldn’t care less. I don’t get into relationships because I want a body guard. I also could not live with the thought that my partner’s body is more expendable than mine. I’d be forever traumatised if they were to receive life-changing injuries, or god forbid murdered, for the sake of protecting me from someome who most likely has intrinsic misogyny and anger issues. That person will undoubtedly carry on their life being an antagonistic arsehole and my partner pointlessly suffered for it on my behalf? Nah.

25. I care more about the willingness to protect me and our family over being physically able to.

26. I have been doing martial arts since I can remember myself. I can protect myself alright.

27. Not important. Never thought about that

28. Not super important although in saying that, I know my partner would protect me. I’m only 5’2 and he’s 6’2 but a somewhat lean/skinny guy, but he would fight to the death to protect me. Sweetest man alive but fiercely protective of the people he loves.

29. Physically protect me? Zero importance. I have a dog who takes no shit and I’m a good shot, I’ll be fine.

    However, I do expect my partner to have my back in a non-physical sense. I’ve experienced having an ex who didn’t do this (his friend was creepy and lewd to me and my ex laughed it off), and that definitely contributed to us breaking up.

30. Mmm less the ability to protect me and more the drive to. Also it was important to me to date someone stronger than me for the sole reason that I used to be the one that had to help my dad lift all the heavy things and I didn’t want to be the default lifter anymore. Luckily my husband is stronger than me, kind, intelligent, hilariously funny, and makes me feel like the most important person in the world to him ❤️

31. Physically protect? Not very important. I have faith that in a situation that required it, the man I choose can keep me out of danger.

    What most men struggle to get, is our need for deep emotional and spiritual protection, from the outside world, from our own self harm and most importantly, his own potential to harm us physically or emotionally.

    Im particularly sensitive to a man’s ability to protect me on all levels and have a bad habit of writing men off as too feminine or emasculated, to protect me, if he ever makes a mistake here. But I’ve gotten so much better as I express my feelings better. Turns out, If you’re vulnerable, a man has something to protect, that is deeper than physical. He has your heart to protect, and that’s the best feeling ever 🥰.

32. Zero, I’d rather they be smart enough to deescalate or walk away from violence

33. Not important, statistically the person who is most likely to attack you is your partner. Choose someone who has a gentle soul and wouldn’t hurt a fly.