i’m a 24-year-old girl who grew up with adhd and was medicated for a while due to learning difficulties and behavioral issues throughout school. if anyone thought i was "weird" or "awkward," i was too busy bouncing off the walls and getting into trouble to notice, lol. it wasn’t until i started working at 18 that i became aware of the looks i’d get from coworkers and customers whenever i spoke. to this day, people still give me the same looks—I’ve even caught my boyfriend’s mom doing it. when i asked him if i talk funny or if i’m too hyper, expressive, loud, or passionate, he assured me i seem "normal."
the looks are always the same: eyes widened like i’ve said something creepy, followed by an expression that screams, "get me out of here." sometimes they just stare at me like i have a second head, analyzing my facial features. it’s like the look you give a toddler when they’re stuttering through a story—kind of like how mrs. incredible looked while feeding jack-jack in the incredibles. other times, it’s the "spit it out already" annoyed look.
i’ve become so hyper-aware of people’s reactions that i avoid putting myself out there, which is why i haven’t made many new friends since moving to a new state a couple of years ago. when i notice the look, i start to stutter out of embarrassment, making me feel even more like a freak. i’ll never forget when i was 18, working my first job with all women, having a conversation with two older coworkers. they exchanged a "wtf is she talking about?" glance before walking away, chuckling. i don’t think anyone who’s given me these looks has bad intentions, but it has negatively impacted my mental health and self-esteem over the years. has anyone else experienced this? does anyone have advice on how not to feel like a complete weirdo?