TL;DR: my boyfriend gets upset over lots of things that i find small or no big deal. i feel like im walking on egg shells to try and not upset him, but somehow im always doing something wrong.
Hi guys, to start with a small summary of what’s going on, my boyfriend (19M) is always upset with me (19F) for something. He’s a sensitive person and I do try to understand that, but the things he gets upset by, that turn into arguments, I can’t see why they’re such a huge deal to him.
My hope is that someone can tell me what I may be doing wrong or whether this is a problem with him. I love him a lot and he has qualities of a good man. I don’t want to lose him because I can’t see what the big deal is.
The first 3 months of our relationship were perfect! Of course they were though, it was the honeymoon phase. But after those months and up to this point, it’s been a slow ascend into arguments all the time. Most recently, we were on a phone call. I told him the day before that I would call after work. So, when I got home from work I called him 4 times before he picked up. When he answered, he didn’t get the first three calls and sounded upset with me and asked why i took so long to call him. I sent him a screenshot showing him my call logs to show I did call him 4 times. Then he became upset at the fact his name is just his first name in my contacts…I don’t find emojis and nicknames as contacts to be a huge deal, but he expressed that he does.
Another thing he got upset with me for was not sending him a long enough goodmorning text. Then after I told him I felt nitpicked by that bc i felt like he would enjoy me being the first to text him goodmorning as he usually is up before me, and he doubled down to say that he didn’t mean a long enough text, but instead he meant that i didn’t say i love you at the end. i explained how i had sent my text the moment i woke up bc i didn’t see one from him. I was tired and just didn’t think to? I always say i love you in texts, but i guess it didn’t cross my mind that morning to add it. He also said that the reason he didn’t text me goodmorning first was “to see what you would do,” since he’s the one that sends them first usually. I told him it was weird that he was deliberately avoiding texting me just to see if i would text him first and that i had just thought he was busy in the morning and couldn’t text me yet. He then added that he was really busy and couldn’t text me yet. So at this point idk which reasoning is true or if he’s saying things to make me feel bad.
Another incident was when a stray cat got into my house and jumped on the bed. This is a cat that wonders around the house and he will often come up to me when i’m outside and rub against my leg or jump in my lap for attention. He is dirty and has matted hair and his tongue is always hanging out of his mouth. He looked sick and sad and all he wanted was attention. I felt bad for him. So when he jumped in bed, i pet him for a minute before my boyfriend goes “get him off he’s dirty.” Now I thought he meant off of HIM because the cat had his paws on my boyfriend’s legs. So i moved the cat to the other side of my away from my boyfriend and pet him for a few more minutes before getting him off. My boyfriend gave me the silent treatment and after a while i asked what was wrong. I thought i did what he asked by moving the cat, but my boyfriend angrily told me he told me three times to get it off the bed. I told him he only told me once and he didn’t say “off the bed” he only said “off.” It was a simple miscommunication. We ended up arguing for three hours over that and many other things like my prescribed lexapro for my SEVERE social anxiety because he doesn’t like that i take medication. That’s another story though. But he called me delusion and a lying ass for saying he never said it three times. If he did i truly didn’t hear him. I only heard it once.
About my medications…I have a diagnosed anxiety disorder and major depression. I’ve been taking lexapro for three years now and buspirone for one year. They’ve helped me so much! But my boyfriend says i’m taking an easy way out and that they’ll change me and how he doesn’t want me on them. He says if he can push through depression and become truly happy then i can too.
These are just a few scenarios. I don’t know what to do anymore. Should I break up with him? Am I the problem? Is there something I need to be working on? Or is it both of us?