I think I resent my boyfriend

I’ve been thinking about doing this for the last few days. Me(22f) and my bf(23m) have always had bad arguments because we are very different people, but recently they’ve been worse. I honestly don’t know what to do. The reasonable thing to do is to break up with him, but I hate that.

He has a lot of health issues at the moment and I’m the only person in his life actually helping him even though he doesn’t see that. I always try to give him the benefit of the doubt because his parents were very abusive, but its getting hard. Like he’s almost 24 and still doesn’t have his shit together. I keep trying to get him to that point, but there’s only so much I can do and he’s expecting me to do it all for him until he gets better. Which is stressful and I have said that to him, but he just says that he’s under stress too because I don’t do certain things for him. He always finds some way to shift the blame to me and I’m always reasonable until he keeps pushing. Then when I’m crying and screaming at him to just stop talking suddenly I’m the bad guy.

I know that I have my own issues, mainly communicating, but his constantly telling me to just stop crying and talk to him doesn’t help. He had a very abusive childhood and I understand that’s all he knows, but every time I mention therapy to him he said when he had it as a kid it never worked. We live with my dad and he has talked to him about this stuff too, but he tells him the same stuff. He’s always making excuses for things and never actually owning up to his issues. I have tried to talk to him about the issues I have with what he’s doing, but he always puts it onto me. He says that if I were to start doing more things that he asks me to do then he would do the same. The things he asks me to do are simple stuff, like saying I love you and PDA, but I have issues with it. I want to try therapy, but I’m not good with verbally expressing things too. It’s easier for me to write them down in the moment because I tend to forget a lot to stop being upset. He gets upset when I go to my friends or anyone else and talk to them through text, but he doesn’t like texting and has a lot of issues reading paragraphs. Yet he goes to his parents or friends and tells them that he did nothing wrong and I was the one who freaked out over something small.

I keep trying to hold out to help him get through his health issues in hopes that he will actually do what he says and go to therapy again when he gets better and I do want what’s best for him, but he keeps postponing his appointments. It just feels like he wants someone to take care of him without anything in return and then gets upset when I ask him to do simple stuff. I really don’t know why I’m posting this, I guess just to rant and get some outside perspectives because I know my friends and family are tired of hearing about our issues.

TLDR: I feel like I’m starting to resent my boyfriend because of our arguments