TL;DR: My girlfriend asked if I was okay with her meeting a "friend," but I found out the friend is someone she met on Tinder before we were together.
Sorry, previous post was removed as it looks like it didn't follow all the rules.
I've been dating my girlfriend (24F) for three months. We’ve spent the last two weeks apart since I had to return home, but we talk constantly and video call almost every night. Recently, during one of our calls, she made some offhand comments that made me uneasy, like joking about wanting to "try a lot of different food" (referring to men), and kept mention that we only been dating for a few weeks.
Then, she mentioned a foreign "friend" (M) was coming to town and asked if I was okay with her meeting him. I didn’t mind initially, but after asking a few questions, I realized this friend was someone she met online about five months ago, likely on Tinder. She only met him once, and they planned to have dinner, drinks, and probably go clubbing. When I pressed further, she admitted this guy has a girlfriend and daughter but cheats frequently with a lot of woman. He even travels there just to cheat and lies to all the women he meets.
When I expressed concern, she quickly downplayed their relationship, saying they barely talk and that she doesn’t even want to meet him anymore. She showed me some screenshots, but in them, he’s calling her "baby" and saying, "you know I like you." Initially, she got upset with me, claiming she was being honest by telling me everything upfront and asking if I’d prefer she didn’t.
After seeing how hurt I was, she apologized and said she only cares about me and won’t talk to him again. I can tell she genuinely regrets it, as she realizes this might cost her our relationship.
Our relationship seemed perfect until this incident and she looks like she really regrets everything. How should i handle this situation?
34 comments
3 months isn’t very long to be dating. At 24 she should be dating who she wants and not tie herself down to a a 32 year old guy. If she still wants to meet other guys it’s better you find out now, not years later. Plus it sounds like you are long-distance. Not a good start for a lasting relationship.
This is not going to end well. This girl is not ready to settle down, at least not with you right now. Nobody taking a relationship seriously makes comments about wanting to “try different flavors”, and they certainly don’t make plans to go on a date with another guy who cheats on his partner.
She tried to sneak her cheating by you using lies of omission and trickle truthing you. She had real plans. Tell her to go taste all the different foods but your kitchen is closed
She’s for the streets man.
Yall aren’t on the same page about whether this relationship is serious or not
She intended to go out with this scumbag. Obviously it wasn’t for the conversation. What more do you need to know? Of you take her back, that’s on you. By doing so you are diminishing your value in her eyes. She will see you as weak, and continue to seek these kind of scumbags that she sees as strong. She has too much baggage. Dump her and move on.
Date someone your own age.
I’ve been in a similar situation before.
It’s extremely hurtful and very difficult to get past.
Here’s what’s really going to bake your noodle though – she showed you *screenshots*. Snippets of a wider conversation.
I have zero doubt that if you had full access to that conversation, you absolutely would not be happy with what is written there.
Just a word of warning on this, from someone a bit older than you – it’s extremely difficult for trust to be rebuilt, and by the looks of it, she shattered it and doesn’t seem to be all that focused on picking up the pieces.
I’d be reevaluating things.
It looks like your girlfriend has a pretty Cavalier attitude towards cheating. You’re only invested in 3 months it might be time to run
at 32 you should know that you have to leave this relationship IMMEDIATELY. or you will get cheated on.
3 month relationship not worth the stress
That’s the sign to run! Save yourself the time and let her go
No. Dump her loser butt. She is looking for another man. Stop spending money on her and dump her ass now.
So she wants to go on a dare with someone else whilst in a relationship with you? Not ok. I would suspect she’s either clueless or canvassing her options.
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Did she meet with the guy?
She was clearly testing the waters and had probably messed around with this guy before. I’ll say, maybe the couple weeks distance made her question the relationships validity and thought maybe you were flexible. Then realized you weren’t and had an oh shit moment. Clearly she’s used to dating around and not really having commitment if she’s dabbling like this. I think you should seriously consider if this is the type of relationship you really want to deal with because it could be a lot worse and you may not realize it yet.
You’re not seriously thinking of continuing this relationship, are you? ‘I want to meet this friend who I met on a dating app who serially cheats on his spouse with people in other cities but it’s different with me…’. You bought that? It’s a 3 month old relationship. A healthy relationship doesn’t get any easier than the honeymoon period. It’s crazy you wouldn’t hear that and immediately walk away.
Serious red flag. She’s lying, and you’re letting her. It’s only 3 months. Just get out.
She doesn’t respect you
You are a collection of your friends, if this dude is the type of person she is friends with it doesn’t sound like this is a person you want in your life.
She’s not taking this relationship as seriously as you are. She’ll continue to fish.
Modern dating, common sense boundaries aren’t boundaries until the other party is uncomfortable. Why are people meeting up with potential threats to a relationship? She wouldn’t like it if you went to a pool party without her and hanging out with women in a jacuzzi, right? I’m just hanging out and meeting with people, right?
This is your chance to get out on your terms and not hers
I think that if you want to stay with her, a pretty hard and direct conversation is in order. Tell her “you have made comments in the past about trying a lot of different food, and now you lied by omission directly to my face. It looks pretty clear to me that you were planning to meet up with this guy to cheat like it wasn’t any big deal. What’s going on here? How am I supposed to trust you when you blatantly just tried to cheat in front of my face? What am I missing?” And force the conversation. If she gets defensive and pushes back then you have your answer.
Realistically, this was incredibly poor judgement, I don’t see how you trust her no to cheat on you behind your back.
Haha “friend” … yea I’m sure they have a great friendship.
I’m glad she’s smart enough to choose you. But if I were you, I would be slowing things down and maybe rediscussing expectations for the next few months.. if youre really that close to a relationship, u need to communicate that ur feelin some things and need some time to process all that and really see if this is a connection you want to commit to. You need to hold the relationship at a far enough distance that when she gets tested again, u can observe, and see if it’s a pattern where she likes to put herself in situations to get that kind of attention from men for validation or excitement or fun or whatever, cuz it sounds like that’s something you’d have a problem with.
She’s too young for you
Try dating women your own age. You’re too old for this sort of behavior. She isn’t.
The company people keep says a lot about them. Your girlfriend is “friends” with a guy who has a family, yet calls her “baby” and she didn’t stop him or cut him off. She instead planned to meet up with him, get drunk in clubs, go out on a dinner date basically. How much do you want to bet that she would have ended up sleeping with him?
I can bet around the time he would be in her area she’s going to randomly be busy and have some excuse. You know what she will be doing.
I don’t buy that she genuinely regrets it.
LDR = Tell you I won’t do it, but then go and do it because you aren’t around to catch her.
I had my fingers crossed that this would be one of those situations where two people meet and discover they only have platonic feelings for each other. Like we both really like stamps or the same author but it would feel like kissing my sister if we did anything.
In such a situation the three of you should meet. But this is clearly more of a cuckoo situation and while she should know better, a lot of people still have astounding gaps in their judgement at that age.
Maybe you could turn this around by trying to help her make time for an actual friend, maybe someone who lives out of town. Take a road trip together. Old college or high school friend.
Get out man! This relationship just started and she has more red flags than communist China. The girl is not ready to settle down.
You mean you dated someone almost a decade younger than you and now you’re shocked that they’re immature?
Peace out immediately bud. Save yourself the time and headache this one’s gonna be.