– Hey what’s your plan for this weekend?
– I don’t know yet, nothing I guess.
— …
– So what do you do in your free time?
– I go to the gym.
– …
I don’t understand what’s the point of answering if you’re going to answer like this? What’s the point of giving such short answer without even a follow up question? If you are not in the mood for a conversation – just don’t answer at all, leave the message for later. It’s not a fucking interview where one person asks questions and the other one answers! And it’s not a police interrogation where the point is to give short answers with as little information as possible while waiting for your lawyer.
Some will say “try to come up with better questions” well I did. It changed nothing! People still find a way to give the shortest most boring answer ever. I tried this one “Imagine that you could replace any character in a movie or a book and live their life, which character would you choose and why” and even then I got a bunch of one word answers.
Put some effort in or get off the dating apps and stop ruining it for other people.
EDIT: since a lot of people write their comments assuming I’m a man I have to tell you I’m a woman.
29 comments
On point. Thanks for putting this
Not everyone has a life worth of a documentary or the conversational skills of a Regency Era socialite. You’d be surprised how many people are content with a basic office job, Netflix and the gym, with or without alcohol, marihuana and casual sex to boot. Some people also just cast a wide net and expect the other party to do the hard work, before getting frustrated about not getting any relationships or hook-ups. That’s not your problem, though. You’re just going to have to wade through a marsh of bog standard zombies to find someone who does put in some effort. I know that’s frustrating, too, but that’s how dating works.
They’re not interested. That’s it. Maybe just collecting matches. I’d unmatch after the 2nd heartless reply.
I think sometimes the issue is that people cast wide nets, other times it’s just the fact that people will put the lowest amount of effort. Point is we could be here all day listing reasons but what really matters is valuing your own time. If you’re not feeling that efforts, just cut your loses. Weed out enough one liners and you’ll find some happy to type out full sentences.
As sad as it is to say, in some aspects you should treat it as a numbers game; specially as if it comes to bad conversation.
I agree that it’s messed up and even rude to have that type of conversation with someone.
But being devil’s advocate, i can also understand dating exhaustion, like constantly answering the same questions that are a but of a small chat. So i kind of keep the personal question for a little bit later on and focus on the initial convo to be more playful, more attention grabbing both ways.
So i ask things like “how many ducks you think you could fight if they came at you all at once?” or a “would you rather” type of question to have some laughs and break the ice, etc…
Most people don’t know how to use OLD.
This is one example.
People who are interested don’t do that. With such responses, you should simply break off communication and unmatch. That being said, a large portion of the population is boring as hell – and unsurprisingly, their percentage on dating apps is far disproportionately high.
I (F) was just having a conversation about this with two friends (also F) last night! I don’t have any advice for you but we all agree it’s so frustrating when getting someone to talk feels like pulling teeth!
I get that OLD can be awkward, but I just don’t get how someone expects to know if the other person is worth meeting IRL if they don’t give more than 2 word answers and never ask questions themselves.
Funny thing is they are the ones complaining about being single and how no one is “real” anymore.
Some people absolutely don’t know what to write, how to write, how to continue a conversation. They’ve answered, haven’t they? They’re not in the habit of being/seeming interestingz
To be honest, I actually hate those questions. 95% of the time I don’t have plans for the weekend and I don’t really do much in my free time. If I do, it’s not very exciting. Mostly because I’m single and my social circle is small. I would still try to engage in the conversation though and ask you questions.
I tend to ask a question and also give a bit of info about myself at the same time. So instead of: ‘so what are you up to this weekend?’, I’ll say: ‘so what are you up to this weekend? I can decide between pub on Sunday or beach at the minute’
I tend to just ask single questions like you so if I’m not that interested tbh
Agreed. People don’t seem to know how to communicate anymore. Quit the apps over a year ago.
I love this comment! This is most women too. Apparently, according to women this is most men. I don’t get it either! And wait days to tell you nothing and ask nothing.
The social awkwardness of online dating. I never do like the feeling of waiting on somebody to respond and feeling insecure about it. Are they just busy do they not like me did I say something stupid? Dating in person is so much easier at least for me.
If there is no follow up question after my question, I leave it just like that.
It’s simple, most people have no social skills. Yes they probably want something from this interaction as an end goal but don’t know how to get there. I want to be a millionaire but don’t know how to get there, these people want a relationship or just a smash but don’t know how to get there either.
I think the problem is that a lot of people (particularly men) have all the personality of a piece of burnt toast. I often wonder if these people are as boring in person as they are online, or if they just are particularly bad at conversation in chat/text form?
OP, I’ve read most of your responses to comments on here. So I won’t bore you much with the same rhetoric. I’m a man, and I basically experience the same type of responses from the majority of women I match with, as you do with the men you match with. Unfortunately you are not the only person to have complained about this. Both men and women with some curiosity have struggled with the masses of matches that put no effort into their responses.
One possible solution, if you are on a dating app that has built-in phone or video chat, such as Bumble, Hinge, or Coffee Meets Bagel (only has video chat though), is ask early on to have a quick chat. Like if after the second message they put no effort into their response, just ask to do a phone/video chat. If they decline or make any excuse, then they just made it easier for you to unmatch them.
Also, I would love to receive questions like “How many ducks could I fight off?” or “Which character in a book or movie would I replace and live their life and why?” I have never received a single thought provoking question from any woman so far.
Just for fun, my answer would be one duck, because my grandfather had a farm, and he had ducks, along with other animals. Ducks are cute but they can fuck you up real good. And for replacing any character in a book or movie, my first thought is Doctor Strange, because then I can teleport anywhere, without having to waste time traveling through conventional means.
I haven’t tried online dating in a while, and so far despite my current concerns atm, it seems to me like it’s just as bad as I remember.
Also, it’s stupid that people assumed things to the point you needed to clarify your gender. That should not matter, and it’s stupid that people assumed that.
As far as I’m concerned, online dating is over. It’s time for natural, organic encounters.
Wouldn’t mind meeting a sporty girl at dek hockey. Wouldn’t mind encountering someone while hiking this summer.
Just go out and gave a good time. Have fun. You’ll cast an energy that’s far more interesting than competing with the 3000 other guys hitting on the girl you’re messaging who, in any case, has nothing interesting to share.
They are probably messaging like 15 girls at the same time. So short answers are easier
Give ‘em a couple of opportunities to respond appropriately and with a follow up question and if they don’t, unmatch them … don’t waste your time.
Let’s be real, that’s why they’re single.
Yep, this is happening to myself and several women I know. I think it could be a combination of being uninterested and also being worn out from online dating.
I’ve also tried asking more interesting questions and at this point I’m only matching energy. He gets a “hi” for a “hi” and a “hello for a hello”.
Preach. Honestly I just unmatch or disconnect when I come across this
If people are being short with you they are not interested in what you have to say.. its simple.
Just be petty and do what I used to do. Tell them they’re boring to talk to but have a nice day. And let them unmatch you🤣 (Evil laughter) 😈
I feel you 100% on the dating apps. I haven’t been on them for about 8 weeks, because my mindset about it is just not positive at this point. Maybe I’ll circle back in the future, but I’m at a point that I feel like meeting that special someone will be in person. Either through a referral from a friend or through a common interest/event.
The vast majority of my encounters with men on the app, have been men interested in hookups. Because of my childhood trauma, I’m still trying to get out of my shell as I’ve never been on a date in my life. So getting physical immediately, will never be in the cards for me.
And it’s even worse because I live in a small country (population less than 100,000 people). So fewer dating apps available that have lots of traffic. It’s quite different from living in a populous country with so many more dating apps that one can try. Tinder is the only app that actually has regular matches that make paying for the subscription worth it, in theory. But as I mentioned, it’s hookup focussed from my experience.
I think the person who likened the dating apps to shovelling through a pile of trash, to find the quality ones was pretty spot on. It’s like finding a needle in the haystack situation.