So, I (27F) have recently started dating a guy I met at the gym a year ago (28M). This morning, after spending the night together, he started touching me down there. But… he would caress the entrance of my vagina, up and down, which didn’t turn me on at all. He didn’t seem to know where the clit was or what to do with his fingers, so I guided his hand up a little and kindly told him how I liked to be touched. He started rubbing in circles (as I had instructed), but applied too much pressure and made me hurt. I stopped him and encouraged him to try again, less pressure this time. I was being really patient and understanding, I mean… he doesn’t have a clit ffs. He tried again and it felt good for a few seconds, but then it hurt again. He gave up and said, “wanna keep doing it yourself?” I made myself cum and we got up to have breakfast. I didn’t expect him to be physically/emotionally distant for the next 30 min. I called a Uber and left because wtf.
Honestly, I don’t mind teaching OR learning to/about my sexual partner. Bodies are all different and people like different stuff. Last night I even asked him how did he like to be touched, because I wanted to make him feel good! But apparently, he took my suggestions the wrong way.
Would you feel embarrassed if this happened to you?
29 comments
I’m your 40 year old self contacting you from the future to let you know that this was a red flag. You moved on and found someone who was open to communicating during sex. You may not always be 100% satisfied with your sex life at any given time but you do learn that being able to tell a partner what you want without any push back whatsoever will be table stakes for a second time. Be well beautiful baby!
No I would want my wife to feel good and she knows her body I would follow her lead.
That’s pretty immature of him.
I would not feel embarassed at all, I would try and learn everything I can.
Guy here and let me tell you, your approach and teaching was flawless. There have been very girls who enjoy the exact same thing! It is so difficult to Guage if what I’m trying, is hitting the right spots, especially with someone who doesn’t communicate at all…
Clit sensitivities, hooded vs unhooded, etc. Greatly changes the way one person enjoys stimuli directly on their clit!
So with all this said, imo, this is an ego problem on his behalf. He needs to be a little more mature and needs to be vulnerable to take your advise.
Teaching me how to navigate her body specifically is one of the sexiest things a woman can do and I’m damn sure going to pay attention because the more she trusts me to do her right, the better and more unique it is for both of us. There are a lot reasons why people get programmed with these notions of sexuality and how bodies work but certain people really take offense to being shown that they are wrong, even if it’s the most constructive “do this instead” in the world.
In the end though, don’t you ever stop being the loudest and most zealous advocate for your pleasure. In a perfect world they’d teach you their body and you’d teach them yours; but even if they don’t want to get on board, you can still get off with or without them.
Luckily, since you are just starting to see this person, it should be easy enough to stop seeing this person. They’re being immature and I do not foresee a promising sex life with someone, especially at their age, who is having reactions like this.
Throw the whole man out.
Asshole alert. Big red flag.
I’m very communicative during all sex encounters and after 25 years together, not once has he even been offended that I told or showed him what I like. Goes both ways. I’ve told him countless times, esp before bj’s to guide me if he wants me to do something different. He does. Our sex life is hot and has only gotten better with age. You need a new man, sorry.
Who has time for a fragile man? Come on! If he’s acting this way in the beginning, I can’t imagine it could get better. Maybe you can have a convo where you say you want to be able to guide him and share what feels good to you just like you want to know what he likes but how he reacts to that will probably tell you everything you need to know.
You doing it right, he has some hang ups
He should be embarrassed. ffs
This guy is not a good partner. He should be glad to be told what works on you, and glad for the opportunity to tell you what works on him. Telling someone is by far the easiest way for them figure out what to do.
He’s one of the men that represents why women choose a bear over a man in the woods. He’s obviously not confident and has a little boy mentality.
You met at the gym…he should be used to having a “spotter”
He’s an ass. Move on. Your body your business. You know how you want to be touched. He’s a Neanderthal… you deserve better
For a 28 year old adult he acts immature. Ffs it’s your body you should be able to decide what feels good to you. If he gets this frustrated over not following instructions properly then how is he gonna be able to build anything lol.
Take his immature silent treatment as a breakup and move on. ✌️
He’s acting like a child. Hes 28 years old and he wants to act like that?! Throw this whole man child away!!
Wow, is a dream to show a person and have patience .
You did the right thing, he lost a hidden gem!!
NTA. F that guy. I’ve been with my so for 20+ years and I’d welcome that any time. Why wouldn’t he want to get you off the way that makes you feel best?
He’s the one who should be embarrassed. Imagine assuming every woman likes to be touched the same way and then getting upset with her when she needs you to do it differently. Don’t settle for someone who doesn’t care if you’re enjoying yourself. Find someone who actually cares and isn’t afraid of a little direction. Future you will be happier.
My ex husband did this to me. He thought anytime I was shaking it had to be good and he was proud…. In reality… What he was doing just hurt and the “shakes” was me jumping with every stroke of whatever he was doing…. He would not listen because he “knew” better…. One of several reasons he is an ex lmao.
If only we could all be so lucky to meet someone open like you.
I would be embarrassed for HIM. What an insecure and immature donut. He’s clearly inexperienced and is taking out his inadequacies on you instead of learning and taking our guidance. This guy sucks a duck so hard. He can have sex by himself in the future cuz you’ll be having sex with someone who is willing to learn and give you the pleasure you deserve.
Any person that is so self involved and egotistical that they turn down or ignore a partner literally giving them their instruction manual for sexual gratification is a fool.
No one knows ones body like they do. I welcome instruction on how to please my partner. Sure I will happily find what gets them going but perfectly happy them telling me so I’m not routing around like a hog until they start squirming unless that’s what they like…
Some guys take it personal when a woman doesn’t throw themselves at their feet and falsely hail praises that they are God’s gift to women and sexual deities… I would just let him go… sounds more like a petulant child rather than a lover.
This isn’t gonna be the last time he’s lazy about pleasing you. Well unless you move on…
He’s bad in bed and taking his anger out on you like a man child. Do you know why a 28 year old man is bad in bed? Because he doesn’t listen to his partners, so he never learned. He never developed the skills.
Why didn’t he listen to his partners? Because he doesn’t care about their pleasure. He doesn’t care about yours. He’d rather be always right than take instruction. It’s all about him.
This is where you don’t sleep with him again and find a better lover.
My ex got triggered by something similar
Said it was too dominant and demasculated him
Just toxic masculinity issues talking
Move on he don’t care about you’re pleasure