i've never had a high sex drive to begin with and i've had depression for over 14 years, but i just feel so fatigued and tired and exhausted recently, more than normal because of my awful life circumstances. i feel awful because i rarely have enough energy to have sex with my boyfriend. i have to force myself into it sometimes and i hate that i have to do that.
he's disappointed often and im just paranoid that he's going to cheat on me or break up with me (i dont think he's that shallow but i have bpd so abandonment is always on my mind) he expressed in passing that it upsets him how im not very sexually driven and it broke me. (he apologized but it sent me into a spiral)
we still do have sex like once a week but i'm not able to be as enthusiastic or participative as i want to be.
it also doesn't help that my body image is absolutely atrocious. i wont get into it but it's genuinely debilitating. so it makes sex really hard for me because i have to be aware of my body shape.
he's understanding and patient with me but i know it's frustrating for him and i hate that. i offer to just do stuff for him like handjobs and blowjobs but he doesnt like doing that when he can tell i'm not really into it.
i feel awful. i dont know what to do. any advice would be greatly appreciated.