I’ve been with my boyfriend for about 9 months and we love each other. At the start of our relationship he was super attentive, kind and present. I was quite hesitant to trust him at the start as I have been abandoned in the past and I told him this. He reassured me that he wouldn’t do this, he’s on the same page blah blah. So I opened up to him, more than I’ve ever opened up to anyone. All was going well until maybe 2 months ago where he’s sort of been a ghost. He pops up then disappears, won’t respond to messages, won’t call, cancels plans. When I told him how that made me feel, he said I was too sensitive and that he was just really busy and I should be more understanding. So I tried to be less sensitive, I let him be, put my wall back up and let him do what he wanted, tried focusing on work and family. Then the last 2 weeks we’ve barely spoken, but when we have spoken he acts so normal. He tells me he loves me, he wants to marry me, that I’m so special and I know he means it too. He’s just very bad at relationships. He’s bad at being a boyfriend. He’s forgetful, dismissive and absent.
I know I deserve better but I think I’ve just been too embarrassed to admit it. I’ve invested a lot into this relationship (he’s the first person I’ve ever been intimate with). I’m also scared of the loneliness that will come after. When I reach out to him and he ignores me, I feel embarrassed. When he tells me I should be better at working around his schedule, I feel clingy and therefore embarrassed. Also he’s moving houses so he’ll be further away soon and I’m not hopeful we’ll survive that.
So I made a plan to tell him how I feel today, how the person I fell in love with isn’t part of this relationship anymore and I want to be with someone who I can give my whole self to without feeling rejected and someone who will give me their whole self in return.
Exceeeeeept, he’s being really nice today. Messaging to check in on me, telling me he misses me, how he’ll miss me so much when he moves but he’ll come and see me everyday. How am I supposed to break up with him now? Do I just leave it until it gets bad again? Do I see how this plays out? Should I give it a trial period after he moves? Should I just go ahead with the break up anyway? Did he sense what I was about to do and is he just being nice to delay me? Personality wise we are perfect for each other, it’s insane. He’s just such a bad boyfriend.
What do I do????
TLDR;
I wanted to break up with my ghosting, dismissive boyfriend today but he’s suddenly being so attentive and kind? What do I do?