I have a problem where I struggle to stand up for myself because I worry about losing people. I never had a lot of friends and never been close with my family before, so I always worry about losing people in my life since I don't have many people to begin with.
And it pisses me off a lot. Like today at work a coworker of mine, who I'm cool with, said something that rubbed me the wrong way. And I know they didn't mean to be disrespectful. Sometimes people joke or say things that can go a bit to far and they don't realize they took it to far. It happens sometimes. But it still bothered me.
Instead of making a joke back, or simply just telling them I don't think that was cool, I just sat there getting more angry.
When I get upset, I don't express myself well. I try not to show my anger towards people because I end up saying things to people that cut really deep. I have burned down a lot of bridges with friends and past relationships because of the things I have said to people when I get angry.
Even if that anger comes from a minor disagreement, or a bad joke that went a bit to far. It doesn't matter. I can't control that emotion well and I end up saying really hurtful things to people.
I get scared about it and idk what to do.