We've been dating for four years, since high school. At first I didn't have an issue w him following girls bc I found girls attractive as well and gave him a pass even when I noticed at least half of his following were insta porn. I grew out of the mindset and brought it up a yr later in our relationship, he pushed back a lil but eventually unfollowed all of them. Or so I thought.
The first time I found out was about two yrs in when he gave me his phone and fell asleep. I was casually on his insta account and thought it was funny if he had a secret second account that I didn't know of. I double tap his account profile and lo and behold there was a second account following almost 100 girls in bikinis and underwear and private accounts that I'm sure had the same content. We got into an argument and I explained how disrespectful it was for him to be viewing other girls like that when he has a gf. He also had a tinder w a fake profile w the sole purpose of viewing girls in bikinis. He doesnt chat w them but screenshots profiles he likes (i found them in his photo gallery). He said he would delete the account and I believed him.
Now we just celebrated our four yr anniversary. I haven't gone thru his phone since bc after my first exp I didn't want to know if he still had his habits. I told myself if I don't have the courage to leave then I should just be ignorant. I went on his phone to send myself a few pictures he took of us on his phone. When searching for his photo app I notice that tinder is again downloaded, w a fake profile, and again for the purpose of viewing other girls. I go to his insta and unsurprisingly find his second account, this time w double the following and even more private and small accounts that idek how he found.
I didnt bring it up the next day but used the excuse of noticing screenshots of random girls in his photo gallery when he was showing me some older pictures to question him if he still had his bad habits. I ask if he has a secret account or tinder. He admits to tinder and uninstalls it in front of me but is adamant abt not having a 2nd insta account. His ability to maintain eye contact and lie w a straight face unnerved me. How do I bring up the fact ik abt his second account w/out letting him know I went thru his phone?
The reason y I haven't left is bc we get along every other way. He gave me his credit card, pays for dates, is patient and shares my same values, altho clearly not when it comes to following ppl online. I can't get past the fact that he has continuously broken my trust in this regard but I wonder if this is smth I should settle and tolerate bc I believe that most men have wondering eyes. I do fear that one day when I'm older he's not going to find me attractive cause he's too busy looking at other women online.
We've talked abt our future together and r very committed to one another and ik relationships also require compromises. I never thought I would be the type to bend my values like this but I wonder if I should given the state of the dating scene today.
Tl;dr Bf won't stop following girls online and dunno how to get him to stop