I’m a strictly monogamous guy. I’ve been dating a girl I get along with very well for 4 months. Her communication isn’t the best but otherwise everything else seems great.. but one thing makes me a little insecure/feeling like a future is risky. She brought up how she’s thought about threesomes and such. I told her I’m very much not okay with it. She didn’t say anything after I said no so my mind started racing.
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The next day I brought up how it made me feel. To me it just hurts feeling like I’m not enough. And the fact that they want other men to have sex with them, yet I wouldn’t even feel comfortable bringing a female into the bed with us. I feel like sex is a very intimate emotionally bonding activity. I believe I may be kind of demisexual. Sort of feels like cheating to me even though it isn’t. She didn’t have much else to say about it except I am enough for her, it’s not some kink she needs and isn’t on her bucket list, and she’s okay with a monogamous relationship.
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Is this a big deal or nothing to worry about? Could be insecurities idk since I’ve never been asked that by any girl I’ve dated. Should I be concerned that it seems like we aren’t compatible or that possibly in the future she needs to do these things and I get hurt?
5 comments
I’m not sure how or why it would be a deal breaker for you. She brought it up as something she thinks about – people have alllllll kinds of sexual thoughts – you said you weren’t interested, she said okay and dropped it. At this point, all she’s done is share a fantasy, a thought in her head; not Jimbo or Lisa standing naked in the bedroom expecting you to hop into bed. I think you’re overthinking this massively and should calm down. Especially as she’s, according to you, said it wasn’t a bucket list item and that she’s satisfied to be in a monogamous relationship with you. Don’t let this weigh on you. It’s not a deal breaker because there’s no breaking going on, just a talk about an extremely mild fantasy.
Comminication isn’t the best after 4 months? But unless she cheats behind your back and constantly pushes for it, why would it be a deal breaker?
People have sexual fantasies, you may have some kinky shit, a threesome is hers. Respect that it’s one of hers as much as she has respected that it isn’t one of yours.
I would had brushed it off with a joke rather than spew out how it made you feel because it may turn into an unnecessary issue.
Just crack on with dating her man. Keep having fun.
>She brought up how she’s thought about threesomes and such.
And what was her conclusion after thinking about it? Does she want to do it? Is she intrigued? Why is she interested? What are her concerns? You really need to get to the bottom of how she thinks about this topic. Just mentioning having thought about threesomes is no basis for any judgment.
In case she is interested and it’s part of how she thinks about sexuality in general, you are likely not compatible. You seem to have different levels of [sociosexuality](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sociosexuality) and she thinks that she can live her life on your level of sociosexuality. This is probably an illusion.
I’m the same. It’s one on one for me. I don’t do group stuff either.
I also have to have an emotional connection before I get down and dirty with someone. So if a woman mentioned that she wanted a threesome even with another woman, I’m out.
Yeah I know, I’m lame and old fashioned, but there it is.
What’s her number?