My Bf and me and me have been dating for 10 years. Tonight we were planning a weekend getaway and as I was searching for places and info on them I found a Reddit thread with some tips. For some reason I force closed the app and it refreshed so I went into his Reddit history and lo and behold he had a crap ton of hentai,a lot of other porn, and vouyerism porn. Honestly just labia city all over the history tab.
I actually saw red and my heart sank. I knew he watched porn and I’ve always voiced my opinion how I hated it and it’s not a healthy component in relationships. But it’s one thing to hear about it and it’s one to SEE it.
I had a pure freak out and a lot happened. Mostly I was just shocked at all the women and content he was consuming.
Here’s some of the things he said following the revelation:
•He says the it’s just normal Algorithm content (BS)
•He swears up and down he doesn’t jerk of to it he just likes it and keep it pushing.
•He uses it to destress because his life is stressful.
•Porn is apart of his character and he’ll delete Reddit but he’s not gonna lie to me and say he isn’t gonna continue watching porn bc “he can’t jerk off to the wall.”
•Porn isn’t real and I shouldn’t let it affect me bc he loves me so much and it has never changed how much he loves and wants me.
•he said “good luck finding a man who will not be watching porn and not lie to you about watching it”
•even brought up our sex toys into it (something he has wanted to try in our relationship) and says how I’m a hypocrite bc I have made him feel the same with the “bigger toys” but he’s mature and doesn’t let it get to him.(mind you we haven’t used these in yrs bc they do not help me during sex and I don’t enjoy it..it’s more for him)
I personally felt like I was going crazy with his responses and he was gaslighting me.
I honestly tonight just gained a new feeling of not being enough for him. Like … I genuinely am hurting over the fact he said he was willing to stop liking pictures but he’s still gonna consume porn videos (likes it’s a difference).
I’m so lost and I feel absolutely crazy for my reaction but my gut feeling is saying that I’m valid in my reaction. TMI on my private doings but .. he’s more than enough for me even when I need to de-stress.. he’s my mental go to get me there. I even asked him like why can’t he think of me in his private time and he kinda just stared at me blankly and said that’s not how his brain works and it’s not the same.
I genuinely need help in this situation because now I’m viewing him different bc he’s choosing porn over me ??????????
Am I wrong ?is he right? Is porn okay in relationships and I overreacted??
Help.
TL;DR: BF was caught with porn and hentai from girls in every position possible and was in Labia city. Says it’s okay to view and will not stop even though I’m setting a VERY clear boundary. I don’t know what to do.