I know many have followed my posts. If not, it might be good to go see the build up to this. If it wasn't happening to me, it would be very entertaining to follow I must say.
Long story short my relationship has took a tough turn over the years. It went from blissful love, passion, vacations, having a baby together, buying our first home etc. Madly in love in thr first couple years.
Then likeI mentioned in previous posts the arguing started. Mainly initiated on her end. She would come off constantly agitated, annoyed etc. She would disrespect me when before she never did.
Our sex life over night stopped and changed when we were intimate. She wouldn't want to do it often, be ok with it being as short as possible, wouldn't orgasm anymore when she always was so persistent to do so no matter how long it took.
Then we slept on separate rooms. I tried to come back and she was annoyed. Made excuses she couldn't sleep with me it made her anxious and to sleep on my couch. So I did unfortunately.
This past year she ruined my birthday like I mentioned in previous post. Argued with me days before and later recognizes it was all her fault but still canceled my birthday party. She did nothing. I sat alone all weekend upset. She left all day with our son. I put candles in my own cake for the sake of my two other daughters who I have half the time from a past marriage who are teens and we celebrated together.
I found tinder, bumble, and POF notifications. Subscription to tinder plus. Message notifications, matches, likes etc.
I confronted her finally after processing and she let the cat out of the bag. Confessing things I'd never imagine. Posting sexy pictures on some sort of sex websites where you can chat and I guess meet people. Unsure what this site is but she mentioned something about discord as well so maybe it's linked to that. Either way, the fact is she was posting pictures I never seen. Chatting with men, and eventually met up with two men over the course of the past few years and had sex. One she claims was once. The other lasted 5 months long. No idea when or how she had the time. We have a son under the age of 5. She had a flexible job so I am guessing during the day booking fake clients and meeting for sex.
She says it was not emotional it all it was purely sex driven and physical. She said she never told them she loved them or anything like that. She said possibly would say I miss you but she believes it was just the sex she was missing.
I work in the mental health field and I know when I see a sex addiction. I already know that is what it is. She was SA repeatedly ad a child by someone in the home. Victims of this type of abuse often turn into sex addicts. She claims she had been going on these discord sites since a young girl way too early than she should have. She admitted she posts pictures which is another sign as anyway to get a sexual high they seek and it gets more and more intense. She pleasures herself a lot in between these encounters as well more than usual.
She mentioned our sex life wasn't good. I wasn't putting in enough effort and looking back I definitely know I wasn't but obviously her actions are not justified.
I realize I was distant to at times. I could have been more loving. More affectionate I a non sexual way. I originally left the bed and she didn't want me to leave but I had major sleep issues. When I decided to come back I guess it was too late and she checked out.
We would resort to our own spaces after our son went to bed for hrs. I regret not trying to spend that time with her again. I know that's no excuse for her actions either.
For some reason I want to work it out but I'm scared. A part of me doesn't want to be alone. I have no family but hers. I've already gone through a divorce and have 2 daughters and now this will be a second time now with the addition of my son.
I told her to leave and stay at her families but it's hurting me seeing my son hurt. He keeps asking where is mommy? When will she come home? I love you both I want mommy with us. He's tired already from going back and forth and hates it and it's only been 4 days.
I've cried. I've screamed. I've been angry. I've been lonely. I feel bad for her at times because I know it's an addiction.
She is very remorseful. She's going to sex addiction/infidelity therapy asap. She claims she will not meet anyone moving forward and hasn't in some time. She claims she will stay off the sex sites and work on herself.
I don't know why I am leaning towards forgiveness eventually. Maybe that will change the more I think about it or if I don't see reap change.
I told her if we even get to that point you will have to have no lock on phone, we would have to put some monitor software so I can see what she's viewing. She would have to video call when going out to see where she is. The vibrators go in trash. The porn is blocked. Any other boundaries I can think of will be in place as well. As well as continuing therapy alone, together, and maybe even addiction meetings.
I love her unconditionally. I don't think many men would think this way. I'm shocked I am as well. I keep believing with the right therapy, God and praying and seeking guidance from the church we can possibly get through this.
She said she wants to stay together and work it out. She has apologized multiple times.
Her family all knows and are on board to support us in the process.
Do you think it's a bad idea to eventually try this again if she gets the help she needs?
Do you think she will just do it again because an addiction is very difficult to stop.
Am I wrong for entertaining forgiveness with everything she done?
Please. Genuine help. I'm hurting right now.
Thank you.