My boyfriend’s version of timeout is when he stops talking to me, ignores me and doesn’t see me or communicate with me. I earned it last night because I expressed to him I have to be weary about him with women no matter their demographics because he has tried to sleep with multiple women online and at his workplace (old, young, everything). I casually looked at his phone the other day to check if he had still been buying nudes behind my back and he threw my coffee machine and broke it. Water went everywhere and I cleaned it up while he left. He said I earned it because I shouldn’t have brought anything up (I wasn’t upset about anything bcz I didn’t find anything in his phone). Idk. I just don’t feel good and I don’t know where to go from here. What would you do in this situation? Is punishing your partner normal? This is only my second boyfriend and our dynamic giving me ‘ddlg’ sometimes and I feel like I have my voice and power taken away with that dynamic.


33 comments

  2. This entire relationship is not normal. Your bf is a cheater and an abuser. He is going to treat you like you’re property for as long as you’re with him.

  3. He broke your stuff because you’re triggered by his past actions….. please leave before it escalates. No, punishing your partner is not normal at all.

  5. Imagine you have a daughter and she tells you that her partner is doing all these things to her. It’s fucking atrocious the way he’s treating you. Nothing about his behavior is healthy or normal, you do not deserve any of this. Leave this relationship quickly and safely.

  8. Leave this pathetic excuse of a man. This abusive and toxic, you shouldnt let anybody treat you this way. Your my age take it from me i stayed with someone like that for years because I thought it was normal. Its not. My boyfriend now I have full trust in him I dont have to look through his phone or have his location and dont have to worry about my things being broken because hes in a bad mood. Breakup. YOU CAN DO SO MUCH BETTER!

  9. I don’t tolerate bullshit. Fucking dump him. You’re an adult not a child. PSA for all people in the comments it doesn’t matter how many relationships you’ve had if your partner makes you feel like shit DUMP THEM I would rather be lonely and have self respect than have a “normal” relationship where people treat you like a second class citizen. Its not normal FYI but if it was I would be single because fuck that.

  11. He’s stonewalling you. I’m sorry about your situation. I hope you consider leaving him

  12. You already know the answer. The real question is why do you dislike yourself so much that you allow yourself to be treated this way? Dump him yesterday, and get into therapy. Asap.

  15. Not only is punishment in relationships not normal, they’re strictly considered abusive. You’re in a abusive relationship with your bf. For your own sanity, as well as your own safety (because this will escalate), you need to break up and stay away from him.

  16. This is gross. Everything about your bf is gross. He honestly should have to wear a big scarlet G for Gross. 

  17. What the fuck did I just read? Is this real? Been with my lady for 30 years and have never even considered punishing her. Big people use their words to discuss issues. If you are incapable of this, you should not be dating.

  19. I’ve been in your shoes, it usually gets worse. You need to leave this isn’t normal behavior.

  20. He’s interested in other women while you havent agreed to an open relationship, he intentionally broke your coffee machine to punish you, and time you out because you “earn” it.

    It’s hard for me to understand why you even wonder if that is ok. Not one thing is close to be ok. A lover is like a best friends which takes care of you, support you, as you do for them.

    His behaviour is disgusting, controlling, abusive, childish. Nothing to do with a lover.

    You say he’s your second boyfriend so you don’t know if this is normal. You should need zero experience to understand that what he’s doing is not ok. Nobody has the right to disrespect you to “teach” you a lesson. Not your friends, not your boss, not your parents, not your boyfriend. Nobody.

  22. Leave as soon as you can honey. This can progress to broken body parts instead of the coffee machine.

  24. PUNISHMENT IN RELATIONSHIPS IS ABUSE. IT IS NOT NORMAL.

    He does not have jurisdiction or authority to punish you. This is an abusive relationship as sure as if he was punching you. In fact he is grooming you to accept physical abuse.

    Run, flee do not look back. Block, do not answer his texts or calls. Do not go back.

    Danger Danger Danger Danger!

  25. Your boyfriend is an abuser. Download Why Does He Do That by Lundy Bancroft and read ASAP!!

  26. Not normal, extremely abusive. Leave immediately. Next time he may throw you, or punches at you, rather than destroy your belongings. Break up in a public place with your dad/burly friends hidden and ready, block everywhere, notify police, possibly look into restraint order so you know how to proceed if he tries to get past the blocks.

  27. This is not normal. And DDLG would’ve needed to be discussed by two consenting adults with clear communication and boundaries. This is not it. You need to leave before this escalates. Also he wouldn’t have reacted that way if he wasn’t guilty. When people show you who they are, believe them.

  28. I would use the next timeout to secretly move my valuables out of his reach and run away.

  29. I recently had an incident with my ex where he took my phone from my hand and smashed it on the floor, in the middle of the road. I contacted the police for a separate reason and when I brushed over that fact, the operator became very serious and made it clear that this is a form of domestic violence. I hadn’t even thought about this fact, just assumed he was an angry asshole.

    No maam this is DV. Get out.

  30. Literally, nothing you described here is normal in a grown relationship.

    You should trust your partner, neither of you should be punishing the other, and conflicts should be solved by actually communicating not with the silent treatment.

    Just end it, this isn’t salvageable..

  32. So to recap: he lies, cheats, is violent and emotionally abusive. And you’re not sure this is normal?

    Honey, you need to go. Immediately. Next time it’ll be you he throws stuff at. Or you he throws. You’re in an abusive relationship.

  33. if you have to worry about him sleeping around in the first place it should end there.

    he threw a coffee machine and left you to clean up after him. bc u we’re suspicious of something hes done before im assuming. the man is a child. leave.

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