Hi everyone! First of all, sorry for any mistakes, English isn't my first language.
I (late 20s F) have been with my fiancé (late 20s M) for a few years, and we’ve had our ups and downs. My fiancé thinks that I’m too jealous, insecure, and toxic, so I want to describe a situation that happened and understand if I actually am like this.
A few days ago, I got bad cramps and was in a lot of pain. I told him, but he dismissed it. Then I asked again if he could be with me, maybe hug me. He approached me but seemed a bit irritated by it. My phone started buzzing. He looked at it and then at me, kind of smiling (or maybe mocking me?). Without thinking, I told him, “You can take a look if you want.” I didn’t mean anything by it—I was just trying to be open. Honestly, I didn’t even think about it, it just seemed like he got curious, so I suggested it.
But he totally blew up. He said it was weird, not normal, and that I have huge jealousy issues. I was so shocked that I even forgot about the pain for a bit. I told him he didn’t have to look if he didn’t want to, that I didn’t mean anything by it. Then he accused me of wanting to check HIS phone, like I was suggesting it because of that, which wasn’t true. I was just trying to show that I’m not hiding anything. He got so upset, raised his voice, said that I'm not normal and then left the room to take a nap, leaving me alone and in pain.
I’ve been feeling really hurt and confused ever since. I’ve always thought it’s normal to be a little curious or to offer to share things like that with your partner. I didn’t have issues with this before. I could ask partners to check on who was calling/texting me when my phone was buzzing and I was busy at that moment. They were the same, so I never suspected anyone of anything. I really feel confused that this is such an issue. I didn’t even ask to check his phone; it was mine. I don’t know, I’m honestly confused. Now, I’m second-guessing myself and wondering if I really am as toxic and insecure as he says. I don’t want to be like that, and if I am as he says, I want to recognize it and do something about it.
For the context: we often have fights about similar issues. Even the smallest signs of jealousy from my side, seeking reassurance, or just regular questions set him off, and he accuses me of being toxic and implying that he cheats. I've NEVER said anything like that.
So, did I cross a line here, or is his reaction way over the top?