As the title says, I feel like I’m such a terrible girlfriend and I don’t know what to do. I (25F) have been dating my boyfriend (26M) for 7 years now. There has been some ups and downs between us but was solved through communication. Although we both have our main flaws, mine stems from anger.
I have this… uncontrollable anger that can be compared to when your mom continuously rants and nags die to piles of dishes being left in the sink. An inconvenience that is easily fixed, an annoyance can change my mood dramatically. And unfortunately, I get this from my mom. I have experienced this type of anger first hand with her growing up, where my mom would speak bluntly where it’s rude, harsh and mean (insults). My mom is even aware of it and occasionally reminds me to let her spew her anger at me until it winds down and to not interrupt her rant to not anger her even more. The wave of anger comes very violently but after the explosion, a calm starts and her anger is done.
I unfortunately, have the same type of anger, and my boyfriend has been supportive in me trying to improve this but I still feel terrible that it has been 7 years and I feel like I’ve barely made a dent. I love him very much and I’m so scared of losing him over anger on small things that should not even matter. I’ve cried to him multiple times in fear that when the time comes we have kids I will place the same trauma onto them.
4 years ago, I’ve lost my father who was very empathetic and wears his love and emotions on his sleeve. Since his death I feel colder and less attached to empathy. My lack of care is evident, I have lost care unless it’s the people really close to me. And I think his loss has amplified this anger. I’ve developed this mindset of fear of people leaving me, specifically my boyfriend. My mom already says to leave her and that she does not want me around whenever she gets mad (but then hug and tell me she loves me after her explosion), and I’m scared that this attitude and behaviour of mine won’t go away and that despite 7 years, he will leave me.
I want more help, my advice to improve myself. I’ve been thinking of therapy but truly, I’m hesitant in believing a therapist can help me. How can therapy help how I feel on certain things. Is there any other ways to manage this type of explosive anger?