I have been dating my girlfriend for 5 years. We took a year long break right before Covid started and got back together a few months into Covid. My issue is her family has always treated me poorly but it’s mostly been behind my back.
A quick list of things that they said or done.
1. They believe that I’m secretly gay and dating their daughter as a cover
2. After we went to their families house on Christmas Eve and I got sick they refused to let me stay and so I drove home vomiting at 1am in a blizzard Christmas morning
3. They say that I’m lazy for not dropping everything to help them while I work 40 hours already while attending school
4. They have made her cancel plans on things such as my birthday but they want her to go for walks with them
5. They continuously tell her that I’m trying to “steal” her away from them
Those are just 5 examples of hundreds I can think of. I finally had enough to told her I was done because my mental health had tanked so badly. I got back with her after she begged and pleaded saying that they had changed. She was a complete wreck after we broke up and they said they were sorry and they thought we were a great couple.
Now that we have dated for a year again they have started treating me like shit again over the last month. I can feel myself starting to check out of the relationship again. I feel bad breaking up with her since I agreed to give it another shot.
The biggest issue is she is so used to them being this way that she doesn’t seem to notice or doesn’t now how to fix it. Any advice?
TLDR: Girlfriends family treats me like shit
2 comments
Her family isn’t the real problem. She is.
And you don’t sound like you actually want to be with this woman.
Either you fundamentally don’t trust her to listen to you and advocate for the relationship with her family, or you’re not capable of standing up for your own needs or boundaries. And none of that means this will be magically fixable — it probably won’t be. They will probably treat you poorly on the regular. But you two cannot manage to talk about it, and try to work it out, then there is nothing here.
Either way, you’re checking out instead of actually talking to her.
That means this is probably over.
Your girlfriend needs to set boundaries with her parents. If the two of you visit them and they get shitty with you, both of you leave and they’re put on time out for a bit. You could also use couples and individual therapy.