My girlfriend Lisa and I started dating last January. She has two kids (11f and 7f) with her ex Jay. Back in December, Jay had to leave the country for work and just got back a little over a week ago.
Before he left I really hadn’t spent much time with the girls. Lisa and Jay had 50/50 custody so we were mostly together when they were with him. That changed when Jay left. Lisa was struggling doing everything on her own so I stepped up. I’d pick them up from school if she had a late meeting, I’d make dinner a couple times a week, play board games and video games. It was nothing huge but I was happy to help wherever I could. I always made sure I didn’t overstep or try to be their dad but after a while it was really starting to feel like the four of us were our own little family unit. Everything was going great until Jay got back.
I know I should be happy he’s back. He’s a good guy and a great dad, the girls are thrilled, and Lisa’s thrilled she’s no longer has sole responsibility. But I’m jealous to the point I’m almost angry. I just feel like I got completely pushed aside. And logically I know that that’s how it should be. He’s their father and Lisa and I arent even engaged yet. I don’t even have a role in their lives. I was basically just playing house.
First, when Jay first got back and there was something wrong with his place so he stayed at Lisa’s for a few days. I wasn’t thrilled but the girls were so I kept my mouth shut and tried to keep my distance. Now Lisa’s sister (who I’ve only met once almost a year ago) is flying in for the weekend because Jay is back and she wants to see him. And Lisa and my’s Memorial Day plans are cancelled because she’s going to take the kids to a friend’s barbeque with her sister and Jay.
It feels like I don’t matter anymore and I’m being replaced which I know is so stupid and irrational. So I guess I’m just looking for advice on getting over myself so I stop feeling like this.
Tldr- girlfriend’s ex came back to town and i feel like I’m getting pushed aside
4 comments
Edit: Do you mean Jan of 2021?
I’d probably move on from dating this person. She has other priorities. At the very least have a conversation about your feelings and expectations.
You need to have a serious conversation with Lisa. It’s not okay that she cancels your arrangements for to spend the day with her ex. You also need to realise that the kids will be pushing for their parents to get back together and may try to manipulate the situation. I’ve had a friend who was in your shoes and things unexpectedly came to an abrupt end. Remember that you are the outsider here and you need to make your feelings known.
I have a great relationship with my sons mother so I understand the closeness they have but on the other hand I understand why you feel uncomfortable with them spending so much time together
I think you should talk to her and discuss not having so much family time and just letting him take the girls by himself for Memorial Day and you two spend that time together
This is exactly why it’s not recommended to get into a relationship with a woman with kids. You get all the chores of raising other man’s kids, you get that man always sticking around in your life, and a lack of attention from your woman. Your gut feeling is not wrong, you are not her first priority, and this is how it’s always going to be with her. Ask yourself, why are you choosing this experience in favor of a relationship with a new girl without a baggage?