So I recently have completed post grad college, but all of the 2 years were online, due to the pandemic and other personal issues (including anxiety). Most of my batch were not from the city, but I am ( though I’ve moved in pretty recently). Currently a bunch of them are in the city as their jobs are here, but yet again I’m far behind. In the job seeking progress that is, with a major contributor for the same being my social anxiety (coupled with other issues)
So anyways, I was added into this group chat for the students in the city. I’m invited to a meet up in a couple of days but I’m freaking out. I haven’t met any of them, (while they have met eo), and know very little about the city too.
For the past couple of months, I’ve been in one of the worst stages of social anxiety ever and have pretty much become a recluse of sorts. life is down in the dumps ig. I just don’t know how to handle this.
Also just to add I have very limited experience being in groups of people or friends and do not drink/been to clubs either so I’m doubly unsure what to do.
2 comments
I dont know if this is the best piece of advice as I also struggle with intense social anxiety but
1. Is this meeting required?
i might have misread somewhere sorry but you said you were invited, that doesnt necessarily meant it is required no? it would be alright to decline with decent notice ahead of time
if it is required tho then I can offer you some advice that works for me in these situations
– I often tell myself *’itll only be for X amount of hours. You’ll be back home in no time. This day will pass decently fast, and most ppl wont even remember it a few years from now’* so that brings me some peace
-I ALWAYS get antsy and unable to rest a week leading up to having to go out somewhere. right up until the day of. what helps somewhat is setting things up in advance. I double confirm where I’ll be meeting up with people, I spend a lot of time picking out clothes and taking care of hygiene. I talk positively to myself in the mirror to say things will be okay. and of it doesnt, or I make a fool of myself somehow, then theres always another day (Note: 9.5 times out of 10 it usually goes fine)
-i do breathing exercises on my way there and right before leaving the house. it doesnt soothe how awkward I feel or the clips my stomach would do, but heres the thing…. 9/10 I would later find out ppl couldnt even tell I was anxious. at most… some ppl might just think you’re a bit quirky but nothing more than that
-maybe the others going to this meetup have anxiety as well. sure you say they’ve met each other offline already an you’re the odd one out, but at least one of them probably still feel the same as you do
-as for the drinking and such… dont force yourself if you’re not super comfortable. I believe they serve no alcoholic drinks and water if need be. sometimes you can just stand near an already established group of people talking and weasel your way in if you have something to add. sometimes someone may invite you to talk. if neither of these things happen that is also okay
but idk. even with all that gentle positive talking in my head I cant deny I’m still always looking for an out. right up until the meeting time I constantly check to see if plans got cancelled or consider lying and saying something came up (which, if ur gonna run with the something came up excuse nvr try to do it last minute, they’ll know, or at most think you’re a flake. even if u did want to hang out, nerves aside)
sometimes you just gotta convince your mind to say fuck it, even if you’re willingly gonna walk onto a path of thorns. the trick is that you’re walking on a glass panel ABOVE the thorns. your brain cant see the glass panel unless you actually walk up to it and walk across it though, yknow?
The best way to beat social anxiety is to face it! You should go, the fear is just your social anxiety tricking you. It will probably be fine. You cant predict the future and you won’t know unless you go. If it does end up bad, then just leave early. But at least show up, please, it will be a huge step forward!!
Realistically what will happen is you will show up, people will introduce themselves, you’ll have a few conversations, if they ask you to drink tell them you don’t drink, etc etc it’ll be fine!!