Women of Reddit, what’s one thing you did for your first love or in your first relationship that turned out to be a horrible experience, and you’ve vowed never to do again in any future relationships?

23 comments

1. Out of naivete and inexperience, I tolerated mistreatment and disrespect that I should not have tolerated. Some lessons are painful.

2. Pay his bills when he got fired over and over for doing stupid shit at his jobs.

3. Bent over backwards just to see him even for an hour, only to be treated with less than the bare minimum. Turned out he was cheating on me as well, no surprise.

   Reminds me of the Taylor Swift song, August: “cancelled plans just in case you called, back when I was living for the hope of it all”.

4. Monogamy.

   (I’ve never cheated and have never even been tempted to cheat, because I’m vehemently anti-infidelity. I also know now that monogamy is not the correct relationship structure for me, which is why I’m polyamorously married now and much happier.)

5. Shower sex. Didn’t realize water was the opposite of a lubricant

6. Download a tracking app on my phone in the beginning, so that he could “make sure I’m safe” and watch me 24/7.

7. Be with someone who won’t help themselves.

   My first boyfriend became a hypochondriac, and refused to get help.

8. Begged someone to stay. Never again.

9. Stuck around because I didn’t think I’d find anyone better, tolerated mistreatment and made myself small. Never again.

10. Acted in a way that is not like me “crazy”. After that relationship I decided I’d never let anyone have that much effect on me that I would lose myself again.

11. Lose myself. Try to prove I’m worth staying with when he pushed me away so I would leave….sigh.

12. Anal.

13. Prioritized him, and I actually did it for the first 10 years of my dating life with all of my partners :’)

14. Completely let myself go. I was young and had no direction and he would’ve done anything to try to make me happy. Looking back I was extremely depressed. I didn’t work, I gained a lot of weight, I had nothing to look forward to, and I was not in love. One day I woke up and realized this wasn’t fair to him and I was not happy in the relationship. I left him, got a job, moved into an apartment with my friend, lost the weight, and moved forward. It wasn’t straight uphill from there, but it was the first step that led to who I am and where I am now. I also realized I need a partner with more of a backbone because I have a strong personality.

15. My first husband was so controlling i wasn’t allowed to wear makeup, he had to approve my outfit before leaving the house, and if we went to a restaurant if it was a waiter I wasn’t allowed to speak to him or make eye contact. Yeahhhh guess who cheated multiple times??? NOT ME! Ugh I wanna throw up when I have flashbacks of him. That’s was 2 decades ago tho. Happily with my person that treats me like a queen now!

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17. Watching porn together. The absolute nadir of my pick me days.

18. After my first relationship I never put 100% into a relationship. He was the one I wanted to be married to and have kids. To do that again took almost a decade. He wanted to sleep around and do all kinds of things that I was not down for. Till this day woulda, coulda shoulda. Not my problem.

19. Traveled 6,000 miles twice overseas to see him. Twice in 2 years. He didn’t offer to pay for half my expenses (and didn’t pay back when he said he would the 2nd time) and he never visited me back . He didn’t even want me to stay at his place; he said he rather stay in a hotel where it feels like a vacation. I paid for the expenses and he said 1 week was enough. When I was crying and calling him on my way back home and saying that I can visit him again soon, he said I don’t have to; we already have seen each other. I’ll never again visit someone that far unless I 100% know for certain we will both commit into it and he really wants me to come instead of casually.

20. Accepted being screamed at. Gave in to pressure for sex. Long story short – stayed way longer than I should have.

21. Lied about how he really treated me to keep his image positive. He was abusive but bc I lied snd kept it a secret when i tried to open up later some didn’t believe me.

22. Entered a relationship with someone when I was nowhere near his physical type. He was a very sweet guy, but it left me with a lot of insecurities throughout that relationship.

23. Playing the “cool girl”. I was very young and thought that the cool girl act would make him like me more.

    It just allowed him to walk all over me, his friends as well.