I have family who are very offended by my choices to live healthy. Both my parents are type 2 diabetes and I am scared of it happening to me.
All I do is half an hour of exercise per day and try and eat 5 servings of fruit and veg before eating any junk foods.
Mom thinks I am doing "more exercise than an athlete " and have an eating disorder and am restrictive dieting. When I point out I am basically doing the minimum recommended, she takes it as a personal attack. She gets really loud and anyone near would think I was fat shaming her. I don't comment on her body or her choices at all.
I don't live with my family but any time I visit I am pressured to eat super sugary processed foods that my body is no longer used to. That stuff makes me ill now. They comment on my minimal muscle as if it is a sign of something dangerous.
I feel so confused how to proceed
8 comments
Change the topic, avoid meal time meet ups. If they insist on talking about it say ‘I’m sorry, but I’m not discussing this with you. It’s clear we have very different perspectives on this topic and rather enjoy your company’ if they continue then say ‘as you insist on this topic of conversation you can discuss it without me.’ And leave. Repeat until they get the message, even if it means you are only there a short time. Maybe they’ll get the message and change their behaviour. Either you don’t spend much time with them, or you choose not to spend time with them.
“I’m not discussing this” then change the subject. If they persist, “if you keep bringing this up, I will leave” and follow through.
Don’t try rationalize, give more info, or use logic because none of them will work. Treat them like the toddlers they are and put them on timeout.
Also, you don’t HAVE to eat. Say no. If they persist, see above. Don’t justify, or explain. “No thank you”. Buuuuutt…we made it special for you. “No thank you”. If they persist, leave. It’s probably hard but plan your visits to not be at their place, or when they won’t be eating.
You can’t control others, you can only control how you react, and how you LET it affect you.
Empathize with their feelings while firmly setting boundaries to maintain your routine. Reassure them that your actions are preventive, not judgmental, and redirect conversations away from contentious topics. Consistently adhere to your habits, using prepared, respectful responses to diffuse potential conflicts
I would say keep doing you and if it truly makes you feel better and look better, then you obviously have found a nice way for yourself. Dont get discouraged. Your family will eventually accept and will probably ask you for advice about being healthy.
Don’t discuss your diet or exercise with them. If they just attack it, nod or say something noncommital and don’t engage.
Mom: “You’re exercising too much! Half an hour of exercising is what Olympic Champions do!”
You: “I hear ya, Mom!” (resume eating your healthy salad)
Dad: “C’mon, try the CAKES! You don’t get enough sugar for energy. I think you might be anorexic.”
You: “Okay dad.” (Continue enjoying your roasted vegetables.)
In other words, don’t respond back with much because then it becomes this debate/argument where they can accuse you of “attacking” just by virtue of defending yourself. So don’t engage. Just minimal commentary and don’t worry about what they’re saying.
I would just say, how about we agree to not comment on each other’s bodies, eating, or exercise. I’ll give you that same respect if you start respecting me.
You aren’t doing anything wrong, just know that. The other comments gave several ways to approach this, parents in general are set in their ways and it’s hard to change the way they think about a lot of things.
I would just say, “I don’t criticize your food and exercise choices, so I am not interested in hearing criticism of mine.” If they persist I would info dump health and exercise factual info on them until they got the idea it’s not a topic to raise. If that didn’t work I would simply leave and not return until I had an agreement from them on better behavior.