I will be 27 at the end of this month. I've been working in a hospital cafe for the last 5 years. It's the first and only job I've had. I only make $16.85 per hour. I still live with my parents. I have my driver's license, but I don't have a car. I graduated high school in 2015 with a 3.9 GPA and received two scholarships to University. I studied Biology in University for 3 years before dropping out due to my mental health and having no direction. I ended up getting an Associate of Arts degree from my local community college in 2019. Shortly thereafter is when I got this job working in this cafe.
Growing up, I used to have really bad Social Anxiety. I remember I used to get very nervous and anxious around other people and social situations. I always thought people were judging me and thinking negatively about me. I always felt very self-conscious and like I was under a spotlight. Social Anxiety had a big impact on my social and quality of life. It was difficult for me to develop and maintain friendships. It even got to the point where I was afraid to leave my house.
I also dealt with bullying throughout school. The bullying I endured was both verbal and physical.
I'm also a closeted homosexual. I've known I was gay from a very early age. I have homophobic family members whom I still live with. I'm still not out because of this.
There was a bit of dysfunction with my home life. I always felt like my father was very critical, judgmental, narcissistic, short-tempered, etc. My Dad is also very closed-minded and old school. I think my father always suspected that I'm gay and is partly the reason of his treatment towards me.
I decided that I will take a break from school and focus on my mental health, try to find some direction, and obtain some real world experience.
At the age of 22, I challenged myself to get a job working in customer service to get more comfortable interacting with people. I saved up some money for driving lessons and got my driver's license also at the age of 22. I started attending therapy to take care of my mental health. I felt like my life was headed in the right direction and I was very proud of myself. I was essentially trying to catch up on things I should've been doing when I was a teenager.
Unfortunately back in 2020, at the age of 23, I went through some emotional trauma that put me into a pretty significant depression. Ever since then I've lost interest in things I used to enjoy, I became emotionally numb, and I developed psychosomatic symptoms like chronic muscle tension, brain fog, sexual dysfunction, etc. I feel like that trauma changed a part of me. I felt like I was making progress with my life, then I hit a brick wall.
I've spent the last 4 years going to Doctors, trying different treatments, getting numerous tests done, to rule out any physical issues pretty much to no avail. Tests come back normal. Doctors couldn't find anything wrong. They've pretty much told me my symptoms are tied to my mental health, but I didn't want to believe it. However, I now realize it makes sense since this began from a mental health episode. I just never dealt with anything like this before.
I went to a Psychiatrist who put me on 5 different oral antidepressants that didn't help.
There's other treatments I want to try, but I am going to wait until next year when I have better insurance.
During this period I racked up some credit card debt. $4,000 total between two cards. Within the last month, I decided I am going to give up Instacart, Doordash, and Uber. Fortunately at my job, they gave us our hours back so I am now working 40 hours a week. I decided no more doctor appointments until I have better insurance. My mom is charging me $300.00 towards rent. She agreed to go half on the utility bill with me and I am paying $75.00 towards that. I've been catching the bus to work and home which has only been $4.00 a day for 5 days. I currently have my debt down to $3,141.
I was seeing a Trauma Therapist for the last 3 months. She's been encouraging me to make some lifestyle changes. She told me that I need to move out of my parent's house as soon as I am able to because it's an environment where I've been hurt. She also encouraged me to reach out to some LGBTQ support groups in my area. She also told me that I need to give up watching porn and masturbating. She told me I need to start exercising and improving my diet. She told me that I need to get out of the house as much as possible and find things to do outside of home and socialize with other people.
I am currently back in school at my local community college trying to pursue a career in nursing. I am taking my pre-reqs to get into their nursing program. I am currently taking Anatomy and Physiology. I will only have one more class to take after this one.
Sorry for the rant, but I wanted to get this off my chest. However, I also wanted some advice on how I am doing with my life?