Update: thank you everyone for your input. I especially appreciate the bluntness as it really underscores the severity of his abuse. He makes more money than I do and has made many threats about keeping the home and my daughter if I try to divorce him. My family unfortunately lives a few states away so I’ve been having to do this alone. I’ve been scared of doing it because I hate the idea of sharing custody of my daughter (during a free consultation a lawyer advised that I’m likely to only get 50% custody because he hasn’t physically abused my daughter). I have been slowly saving what little money I can and don’t engage anymore because he tends to rant while our baby is in the room and I don’t want her to become any more traumatized than she may already be.
Again, thank you all for your insight and input. I plan to leave, I just don’t know when and how.
We have been married for 3 years and together for 5. We have a 1YO baby girl who is the light of both of our lives.
My husband likes things done in a very particular way (cleaning, laundry, dishes, etc.). It was easy to keep up with the standards before our daughter was born because it was just the two of us. Since her birth we’ve moved into a bigger home. we both work full time and send her to daycare during the week. But it feels impossible to keep up with managing the house, taking care of our daughter (I’m the primary parent), pets, and working. I’m exhausted all the time so the chores don’t always get done to his specifications.
He doesn’t always help. Instead he will berate me for not working hard enough or for purposefully letting things slip. I have depression and anxiety and he will claim that I’m not managing my condition seriously (which isn’t true because I see a psychiatrist and therapist regularly). This has caused some really bad arguments in which we’ve both said terrible things. He has told me on more than one occasion that he wished I was dead or wished that I would die because it would make his life easier if he didn’t have to deal with me. After he calms down he apologizes and says he didn’t mean those things and he only said them in the moment. He likens it to a teenager telling their parents that he hates them.
It’s been months since he last said it but it still echoes in my head. How do I get over this? I know people in long term marriages got through rocky points; is this just one of those?
TLDR: how do I get over my husband telling me he wanted me dead during an argument?