I’ve been so sexually active since I was 16 years old. Been in 3 long term relationships, dated around, etc. Yet lately something shifted. I don’t want to have sex anymore.
I have a girlfriend, and we’ve had issues with communication when it comes to sex over the years. For example, one day I’ll try to initiate and get rejected, she’s overwhelmed and flustered over something. So I stop down, and later I find out she’s upset that I walked away from a sex opportunity. She doesn’t communicate her desires effectively, and so then I fail to read her well.
On another day she’ll try to initiate. I won’t necessarily be in the mood, so she gives me some light kisses and light touch. But not sexual per se. Just some light hand rubbing on my shoulder, for example. Her advances don’t really turn me on, and so I find myself having to mentally excite myself to have sex. Some days that works, and I’m happy to go along. But lately I find it frustrating and so I reject her back.
Then we try to talk about it. And it’s like neither of us can put it into words. It’s apparent both of us know something is off. But neither person can successfully address the issue.
So fast forward, we open up our relationship. We decide to experiment with other people. But certain layers of trust were broken, and it made me not want to be in an open arrangement anymore.
I had some frustrating experiences with girls outside of my relationship. Some would reject my advances yet keep me on the bench for a rainy day. Others who were more straightforward would lie about being cool with my open relationship, and then I’d find out they want something serious, despite me not being able to give it to them.
So anyways, I gave up on that, went back to an exclusive relationship, and nowhere closer to fixing the initial intimacy problem. So, I start watching porn. A lot. And that’s where I find myself now. I’d rather watch porn than try to have sex with my partner. I’d rather watch porn than try to have sex with anyone else for that matter.
I feel like I’m in a rut and don’t know what to do about it.
Any advice? Thank you
TLDR: 29M frustrated with my sex life, in a rut, with a girlfriend I can’t seem to communicate with and slowly giving up on sex.