The other day, I was with a friend and I had a lot of topics to talk about but in my mind, I gave up. I thought what I’m talking about isn’t important enough so why waste energy on it? My friend doesn’t need to know what’s going on in my life cause it’s not worth it.
Sometimes I can’t articulate my thoughts and sometimes I want to rant but I feel like there’s no point in doing it. Why waste energy into it? I’m a really quiet person but I love being around other people, it makes me feel safe. I’ll listen to others talk but don’t feel like talking at all. I want to be the fun person but it just takes a lot of energy for me to talk or care enough.
In my childhood, I wasn’t spoken to and bottled up all my feelings to myself. My dad abandoned me emotionally and I had to constantly fight for my parents attention until one day I just gave up. So are the feelings of “it’s not worth it” and my feelings are “not important enough” just a part of my childhood trauma or am I really just an introvert and don’t like talking to people?