A few weeks ago, my sister and I were sat in the car talking about life stuff. She asked me that if I were to explain who I am and what I am like to someone who didn’t know me and how I’d changed over the years, what would I say?
I was taken aback, I thought long and hard and had absolutely no idea what to say.
I’m only 21, however it’s made me realise that I change how I act depending on who I’m with, which, although I guess is understandable to an extent, what actually is the real me?
Looking back to my teens, I couldn’t even comprehend how I acted or who I was.
Since then I’ve been thinking every day that this whole time I still don’t know what the real me is.
Do you have any similar stories like this? Is this something that happens to us all at a point in life?
18 comments
Everyone has this, behaviour changes depending on who is watching you. It’s true for people and goes right down to subatomic particles. Don’t worry so much, you’re still young and not finished yet.
Read Right-Wing content. Not the political stuff, the other stuff. Ignore the God content if it doesn’t jive with you.
I recommend Peterson as an easy launching point, then moving on to the old Stoic texts. Worked wonders for me.
I’d also recommend dabbling into a bit of Jung, and trying to understand your Shadow. If you need an easy launch point for this, play Persona 4 – all the early boss fights are people confronting their own Shadow. The aspects of themselves they’ve repressed.
A lot of Right stuff is about exploring your potential, and Left stuff is telling you who you’re allowed to be.
And stop lying. Even the little ones, and especially to yourself. That shit builds up and creates this mess in the first place.
Don’t stress out too much about it. I’m in my forties and I have no idea who I am. I’m like the guy in Memento. I’m constantly trying to figure out what’s going on and how I ended up where I am.
While it is true, as other comments are saying, you should relax, you have also identified a problem that you need to work on. It sounds to me like you are not living authentically. It sounds like you mostly go for social approval versus self-expression. That is a problem because without social approval who are you? Who are you when you are alone? What do you think what do you do what do you enjoy? How do you take that person that you actually are and push it out in front of people is the challenge of your twenties. Keep in mind that as you do this you will lose friends because you are not being your authentic self and some people will not like your authentic self. But by the time you hit your 30s you should have this pretty much settled. And relationships should be better as a result
What do you value?
I was completely lost on any of my interests really up to about a year ago. So 21. I’m 22 now and it feels good to sorta have an idea of who I am. It’s still a WIP though of course. Exercising and meditation help. Finding people to look up to and take advise from helps, whether they’re in your real life or through YouTube. I go on walks and just think to myself. Sometimes nothing special comes out of it and I’m just talking to myself and sometimes I decide something fundamental about myself as a person.
I know self help content gets a bad rap and so does my recommendation. Healthygamergg is a good YouTube channel for this sort of thing. Hosted by an actual psychology doctor.
I’ve also taken inspiration from Jordan Peterson and some of his content. A lot of people seem to like to try to tear him down but I like him.
I recently learned to embrace my values to narrow down who I am. Be receptive to other opinions and consider them carefully but be uncompromising in the things you believe in.
Don’t associate with people who will be a detriment to your values.
Don’t like cheating? Don’t be friends with cheaters.
Don’t like lying? Don’t be friends with liars.
Etc.
Not like you but i knew from when i was around 16 that knowing yourself is a good thing.
Now im 32 and i still dont know everything about me.
Honestly to understand that deeply that it is important to know tourself and how much you dont is impressive to me. And i have no reasons to think im late.
It doesnt happen to everyone. Some dont try at all to understand themselves.
Not until I was 20 really. Spending time living in another country is a shortcut to self-discovery, so I studied abroad in college. But, ask yourself *why* you do things when you do, try to practice mindfulness. Did a friend just get you into the routine of listening to podcasts in the car, or do you genuinely like them? With each friend, categorize their habits into ones you’d like to adopt, and ones you don’t. You’ll start to notice patterns in your choices, and I think that might help you realize your sense of self.
You don’t. No one knows how we got here or what we’re supposed to do.
I was 32 when my gf at the time broke up with me, and that plus being unhappy with my job spurred me to quit and work on a freelance career in IT. That’s when I decided I was gonna figure out what I liked, what I wanted, and to pursue it no matter what anyone said. I pretty much figured myself out then.
You think, therefore you am.
Nothing wrong with [keeping your identity small.](http://www.paulgraham.com/identity.html)
Identities are not found. They are forged.
Im 53 and I still wonder who the fuck I am….
But around 50, I did decide to say fuck it, smile more and notice all the pretty women while Im above ground….
I know I like Gin and Tonic while walking in Key West….
I discovered who I was when a friend of mine slapped me with reality. I changed some things about myself, and now I’m just a dude that wants to make people laugh
Don’t worry about it. I only started to figure it out in 30’s
You’re 21. You’re not your full self yet. Your brain hasn’t even finished developing so don’t feel too bad about it.
That being said, don’t let this deter you from finding who you are. Go out and try random shit just for the hell of it. You might like some you might hate some. That’s what helped me when I was in your situation: doing the things I wanted to do, not just what other people wanted to do (even if it’s all by myself).