Is There a Double Standard in How Age Gaps Are Viewed in Dating?

25 comments

1. From experiance, this comes mostly from older woman who realize that the men in their age are more interested in young woman and thus can’t find a partner.

   That’s why they try to shame the consensual relationship between two humans. As long as both are of age and agree to it, what should be wrong about it?

2. Head over to r/AgeGap

3. I think it might be a double standard. People’s preferences change over time, and they might not see their own past behavior in the same light. It’s interesting how perspectives shift as we age.

4. On average women have a far easier time than men dating at younger ages, and men have easier times dating when they get into their 30s and 40s. Generally speaking of course. Men care a lot about physical appearance, and women are their most beautiful at a younger age. Women care a lot about a man being able to provide, and most men can’t do that well when they are in their early 20s. The average pretty 20 year old women would have a good chance getting with a single 40 year old man. The average 20 year old dude would have no chance with a 40 year old woman.

5. Yes, some women just love to call men who date younger ‘creeps’ and ‘disgusting’, it validates them.

6. Some women criticize men of all kinds for all kinds of things. Some men criticize women of all kinds for all kinds of things. Don’t hurt yourself thinking about it.

7. Women on Reddit basically view men as some kind of subhuman species. Pay them no mind.

8. Don’t think too much on it. I was dating someone my mom’s age in my 20’s and the same people who were cheering my ex along for being with me called me everything you can imagine for dating a 19yo in my 30s.

9. I like the way you framed this. “You didn’t want me back then, so don’t say anything about what I do now.” That is unique and brilliant.

   My wife is 18 years younger than me, and we’ll celebrate our 9th anniversary together (almost 2 years married) next week. We’re as crazy in love as we ever were. Best decision I ever made was to wait. Like you said, these middle aged women who cast ugly looks at us or try to talk shit online didn’t want me when we were all the same age. Cry me a river now. My wife is super hot. 😂

10. I noticed that:

    * It’s mostly an online phenomenon. It probably has to do with “online profiles” (e.g. online dating) displaying age information, because when people meet organically IRL and they like each other, they generally have no idea how old the other person is (and it gets brought up relatively late during conversations, usually well after you have established that you find the other person pleasing/interesting/intelligent/attractive)
    * It seems very “American” (or maybe anglosphere related) to fixate on age differences, either by glorifying them (“OMG, age gaps are so taboo and exciting!”) or by demonizing them (“OMG, it’s predatory!”)
    * The usual gender role double standards apply to it: women are considered pure and innocent by default but with almost no agency, while men are considered impure and guilty by default but with full agency

11. Dating dynamics where the man is older makes him a creep and her an idiot with no social skills to decide for herself who to be with.

    Turn it around and its “her rediscovering herself and pointing out how that would be equally creepy that way around is misoginy.

    Even worse when it comes to teachers r@ping their students, minors clearly incapable of giving consent. Have a male teacher do it, he will face the law that comes at him with the strength of a slegdehammer shooting gatling gun. Have a female teacher do it, the media don’t report on it nearly as much, sentences are lighter and the worst: In the cases where the r@pist got pregnant the boys were on the hook for child support (in the US) due to be paid once they reach adulthood.

12. Leonardo dicaprio gets shit on for the same thing Jeniffer lopez, cher, madonna, britney spears and taylor swift has been doing: dating way younger

13. For sure, it’s basically totally fine if an old woman dates a young guy but if an older guy wants a younger girlfriend he gets attacked by older women who are jealous of the girl and old guys who wish they can get someone younger too.

14. It’s more the hypocrisy of women with a splash of double standard. Most women are attracted to older guys when they are younger. Their view changes when they are no longer the young hot thing and the guy they want, wants the ten years younger version of her. They’ll say the woman has the right to date whatever guy she wants. BUT if that very guy wants to date the woman back he’s a……(insert any of the popular shaming names women use to control men)

15. 40 year old woman dating a 26 year old male you go girl
    40 year old male dating a 26 year old gal time to get the pitch forks

16. Women have double standards about literally every aspect of dating.

17. What goes around comes around.

18. Some women just don’t understand men, and they try to pathologise our behaviours. Others are just deluded and stuck in their own echo chambers.

    I was on r/TwoXChromosomes the other day, and they were shaming men for preferring their woman to be clean shaven. I gave them the male perspective then they started saying we live in a patriarchy where only the male perspective matters so I shouldn’t say anything. I gave them examples of how parts of Western society are actually gynocentric. For instance, women under the age of 30 out-earn men, women dominate education and intellectuals have influence over society, and women are the biggest consumers so media and advertisements target them. Anyway, my comment got silenced and I got downvoted into oblivion.

    You’re completely right, and women today are struggling to find partners that they feel they’re not settling for due to their hypergamous nature. If a woman is under 30, and wants a provider, she’s only going to have a small number of options around her age, so she’s likely going to have to date a bit older.

19. It all comes directly from jealousy. Any time emotions are involved to that extreme it’s deep seated jealousy.

20. I don’t worry about external validation. If I’m fine with it then I don’t really care about anyone else. I tend to date women up to my own age but rarely older.

21. I (51M) date women older than me (sometimes up to 60), but I also date (or rather hook up with) a lot of younger women, even as young as 24. They’re not escorts or sugarbabies; they’re normal gals with a kink for mature men.

    What I notice on forums is that women will cry and moan about how it’s creepy and predatory for a guy my age to “go after” younger women (in fact, I’m not going after anyone; we match on the apps and they want to meet) and all that pseudoscience bullshit about how they can’t make responsible decisions yet because their brain isn’t fully developed.

    But then when a middle-aged cougar talks about hooking up with young guys, it’s always “You go, girl!” and “Good for you!”

    Personally, I don’t care about age differences. I’m a sexual animal. If a woman is hot, then I want her. As long as she’s legal and wants me, I’ll take her. I don’t talk to or match with women under 23 years old, but that’s not for lack of attraction. It’s just that there is a point where it feels too weird to me. But mid-20s isn’t weird at all. A mid-20s chick is perfectly capable of deciding who she wants between her legs.

22. Of course there is.

    ​

    40yo man fucking a 20yo woman: Creep, pedo.

    ​

    40yo woman fucking a 20yo man: Cougar, empowered.

23. Yes, there often is a double standard in how age gaps are viewed in dating, particularly based on gender. Relationships where the man is significantly older than the woman tend to be more socially accepted, especially when older men are seen as more “established” or “mature.” However, when the age gap is reversed—where the woman is older—society may be more judgmental, sometimes labeling the relationship with stereotypes such as “cougar.”

    Additionally, age-gap relationships with older men are sometimes viewed as acceptable or even desirable, while older women with younger partners may face more scrutiny or be seen as unconventional. These double standards are influenced by cultural norms and stereotypes about gender roles, maturity, and expectations regarding relationships.

    However, views on age-gap relationships are evolving, with increasing acceptance of all types of partnerships as long as they are based on mutual respect and understanding.

24. > but these same women may have rejected guys their own age when they were younger

    Did you personally encounter this, or just making assumptions? Because in my experience, women who date much older guys, and women who would criticize men for dating much younger tend to be two separate groups

25. I think men, in general, are often criticized for having standards and preferences.