I F26 was seeing this guy M29 I really liked I thought we had such a good connection. Our first time having sexing I brought condoms because I wanted to be safe, I’m scared of std’s and i was ovulating that week so wanted to make sure I was extra safe. I KNOW how much condoms suck, I truly do but I wanted to wait until we were exclusive to go raw. He kept insisting on not making him wear one and kept saying that he doesn’t have sex with just anyone, and only unprotected sex with girls he’s interested in for relationship. I said I didn’t care and made him wear one. He doesn’t think he performed his best with it ( he came twice tho idk if that means he enjoyed it just a little bit???) . He brought it up again through text and told me to please not make him wear one again that he wants to feel me. I said we can talk about it some other time. He went on to ghost me after this. Never heard from him again.
This sucks because I really liked him, and thought it was getting serious and I can’t help but think that if we hadn’t worn one and the sex was better then he would still be interested. I now worry he thought the sex was so bad that he didn’t think it was worth pursuing anything with me. And the fact that he thought I was going to make him wear one again turned him off. I’ve cried so much because just when I think I found a good guy and a good connection the universe is like nope this is another lesson for you. Like did I do anything wrong?? Do you think he didn’t enjoy the sex and that’s why he’s ghosting me?
At one point I tried to ride him but his dick kept sliding out and he told me to stop that I need to get wet first, so I stopped and then he just ended up finding prone bone. I was soooo embarrassed by that because I usually am always wet and have no issues riding, that’s one of my fav positions. I felt like I also couldn’t perform my best.
Should I reach out and ask to talk about it?? he was the last one to send a message.
46 comments
> He kept insisting on not making him wear one and kept saying that he doesn’t have sex with just anyone
sure.
> Like did I do anything wrong
absolutely not.
> I found a good guy
Sorry to say, but you did not. You found an asshole.
> Do you think he didn’t enjoy the sex and that’s why he’s ghosting me
No, i think he is ghosting you because you stood up for what you think is right. Such guys don’t need women who stand their ground. Such guys need women who say yes sir all the time. Inferiority complex.
You did everything right.
You didn’t have sex for nothing. You had sex bc you wanted to. He sounds like a jerk who doesn’t care about your boundaries and that makes him not for you.
If he ghosts bc he has to wear a condom, he’s a child.
Also, a person can still get STDs/stis with condom usage, condoms make it safer not bulletproof. So keep telling them to wrap it up. You did nothing wrong.
Lmao you dodged a bullet the guy sounds like a man child.
bro’s 30 and crying abt a condom 😂😂😂
He’s ghosting you because he’s hoping you come crying back to him and say you’ll let him fuck without a condom. You’ve done nothing wrong he just wants to have it his way
That’s awesome, he self eliminated, perfect!
You are lucky . He sounds like a walking std gallery
He sounds like a selfish child having a tantrum because he could get his own way. You were sensible and mature. He was not.
He’s a manipulative ass. You’re better off with him in your rear view.
Dodged a bullet there girl
He’s a spoiled brat who didn’t get what he wanted so he left. You did nothing wrong, you’re lucky he left now before you really got invested in him.
Next time tell them you’ll hit them up in 9 months for their child support then.
In all seriousness, no, you did nothing wrong and this internet stranger is proud of you for sticking to your boundaries here.
You are in a game with a manipulator! You should run while you can. Granted I understand you have strong feelings for this dude, you know the right answer!
Simple Perspective: If you wish to practice protection and your partner does not, then it is a no go! It is THAT simple. This isn’t even about compromise. We are talking basic protection 101 here!
And I gotta say, if you give in to this manipulative crap, which it is totally!!! Be warned!!! The flags are red, this dude is trying to totally guilt you into this and if you bend on this, what’s going to be next?
The fact you got ghosted over this, should tell you enough… he don’t care for you and you should find someone who respects your wishes and does not use it to attempt to manipulate and guilt you into a situation.
Don’t second guess your safety. This guy is beyond selfish. Condoms should never be deal breakers and at the end of the day they aren’t that bad.
How did he ghost you if he was the last one to send a message ?
Also protection is always a must and if he doesn’t like it that though luck
“The only people who get upset when you set boundaries are the ones who benefitted from you having none.”
This guy is a huge asshole. He didn’t ghost you he did you a favor!! There are men out there that will respect you! Good luck and don’t feel bad about this shitstain dude.
You dodged a bullet. This man doesn’t care about you, he only wants your pussy. Turn around and please do not feel bad. He is 100% not the one.
You dodged a bullet there. Always use a condom if you’re not in an exclusive relationship
No it wasn’t bad he just wants sex without condoms he sleeps with everyone raw you did the right thing
Any man that doesn’t respect your wishes doesn’t deserve a second chance –
Congrats for not giving it to the pressure! No one should ever pressure anyone for any sexual practice, and that DOES include unprotected sex.
You were brave and responsible, you resisted and did the right thing for your health and other people’s health.
He behaved like an entitled and manipulative brute! He doesn’t deserve you and there are SO MANY other great sex partners and/or romantic partners you can find in the world!
P.S.: If you ever want to do unprotected sex, make sure that it is with someone who got screened for ALL Sexually Transmissible Diseases/Infections, that you got screened yourself for all STD/STI, and that you both observed the three months delay between your last risk-taking and your screening. There’s a three months delay for syphilis.
Also remember that unprotected oral can carry STD/STI.
Stay safe! 🙂
He was going to ghost you regardless. Goid job on sticking to your guns.
You are protecting your body against an STD, but I hate to say it, even though you may be in a committed relationship people cheat and then you’re the unknown victim.
I dated a girl for nine months after three we decide to commit to each otherwe both went and got sexual testing nine months later I had gonorrhea. She never stop sleeping with other people the entire time in fact she was sleeping with three other guys at the same time. I feel like the fool stick by your guns protect yourself always.
Red flag city he did you a favor he probably has made STDs.
Walk away, cut your losses and find someone who will respect your wishes .
He can suck it. Your boundaries are set. His choices are to accept them and go forward or don’t accept them and you go on without him.
You did nothing wrong.
“His dick kept sliding out and he told me to stop that I needed to get wer first”
Hun, YOU WERE WET!! Thats why it kept aliding out! This dude is a fucking moron. You definitely did the right thing standing up for your need for a condom; Thats responsible sex. He came twice, so he cant lie and say he didn’t enjoy it. Keep laying down tour rules, and if they guy whines about it, just get dressed and walk away. Those kinds of guys aren’t worth it. OR, if he really wants to go raw, ask him how much he makes, and if he can either provide for you and and child, or pay child support. That usually sorts them out quick.
People only get upset about boundaries when they intend to cross them.
Wanting to go raw with someone you aren’t even exclusive with is wild. He’s out here giving everyone this same song and dance, “I only go raw with people I really care about”. Before having sex with someone and not using condoms the relationship needs to be serious- meaning: you’re both exclusive, there has been discussion of sexual history, both parties have been tested, there is a plan for pregnancy prevention. He’s a man child who didn’t respect you. Don’t go back to this guy, you’ll regret it. Especially if you give in now, there will be an expectation from him that you will have other boundaries that you will concede on in the future. You did the right thing.
You didn’t find a good guy. Stop beating yourself up, and get back out there. Keep sticking to your rule.
Insisting on not using a condom when you have clearly said no is wrong, and if it escalates, it can be considered sexual abuse. If he really cared about you from the beginning, a condom would not be an excuse. This tells a lot about him, and those with low self-esteem often neglect their health and well-being just to be with him… imagine how many he has convinced. By the way, no one should have to “convince” you to do something in a sexual context because then it’s no longer consensual; you were just pressured into it. Don’t feel bad; you dodged a bad man, and that was the right thing to do. Be firm in your decisions and always put yourself first.
He was the last one to send a message? How did he ghost you?
The only thing you’ve done wrong is pedestalize this guy. You’re imagining him to be a better man than he really is because you liked what you knew of him so far, but the fact of the matter is that a good guy wouldn’t even need you to remind him to wear protection because he’d already be prepared for it. Like, I understand condoms aren’t an enjoyable part of the experience, but they don’t decrease sensation by *that* much and we know they’re a necessary evil for safety not just for you but for himself.
That said, he didn’t ghost you if he’s the last one to send a message and you’re the one who didn’t respond. You could try to reach out, but it doesn’t sound like he was terribly open to discussing the issue. If he cared, the discussion wouldn’t be necessary in the first place. He’s likely to just try manipulating you into getting his way. You’re best off to let him go. Remember this and don’t be afraid to continue asserting your boundaries in the future. A good man respects boundaries, he doesn’t attempt to negotiate through them.
As a guy who has been having sex with the same person for 25 years, condoms are not that bad. It’s the “brush your teeth” of sex. Unless someone has an allergy or extreme sizing issue, condoms are fine. Sex doesn’t have to be performance art every time and any guy who pressures you to put your body at risk doesn’t respect you as a person.
He was wrong. If you 2 are not exclusive, don’t know each other’s STD status, and you are on not form of birth control, then this guy was nuts to want to have completely unprotected sex. You did not miss out on anything when this moron ghosted you.
That is EXACTLY the sort of dude you shouldn’t fuck without a condom.
Frankly, it’s a dude you shouldn’t fuck at all. You dodged a bullet here. (Imagine he got you pregnant or gave you an STD and then ghosted? Cause that’s what would have happened if you’d given in.)
You’re best without him dear! The fact he wanted to do it without a condom while you felt more comfortable and secure and safe using one seemed to be ignored by him. What other things would he ignore in future?
51m here- no ma’am – you should NOT reach out to him.
For one- He should be just as concerned about STDs as you rightfully are- he doesn’t know you and just because some says they are clean, doesn’t mean jack- especially since he says “I only have unprotected with ones I’m interested in” what a line of crap- he is interested in any that he needs to be- and that is too many.
Second- until you are in a REAL relationship with someone- and I mean an actual relationship that has far surpassed “dating”- you should both be wanting to protect yourselves- from STD and from having babies…. We have enough traumatized children coming from toxic environments that were from mistakes –
Third- BOTH parties should be respectful of each others choices – especially this early in the relationship….
This next part is for everyone that needs to hear it:
Do not allow yourselves to be overly influenced to change your core beliefs or values out of FEAR of being lonely.
Your PERSON is waiting to be found, and you may have to dig through some false connections to find them- those false connections are preparing you, to learn how to manage your expectations and self regulate, so you can be the best version of yourself
hold on to the lessons- Let the ghosts be ghosts- they have already shown you who they are… they have nothing more of value to give other than the opportunity to learn what they already taught you.
Appreciate the lesson you learned and your ability to remain on your path. Regulate your emotional guidance system… do NOT build walls to keep your person out- remain open and keep an eye out for your person to show up
You got this💛💛
It may feel bad but he did you a favor. The guy doesn’t care about your boundaries and safety, it’s better not to have such people in our lives
Nothing wrong with him not wanting to wear a condom any more than there is you wanting him to use one. But that was a deal breaker for him and you should be proud you stood your ground.
I’m sorry it didn’t work out the way you wanted but everybody is entitled to their preferences and nobody should have to change those to make somebody else happy.
He’s a tool. Have a gf now but no problem wearing protection until being tested when I met someone new. And I despise condoms.
Do not reach out. This guy’s said he only has sex with girls he is serious about and then ghosted you for having to wear a condom on your first and second time so he is clearly a liar and has unprotected sex with all his connections that are silly enough to go unprotected with anyone. You dodged a bullet here. The reason you didn’t get wet is because he made you uncomfortable who wants to have a relationship with someone like that? He was just being nice to get sex and is now showing his true self. Plenty of guys out there waiting for you.
Condoms don’t suck and you did everything right.
He in the other hand is an idiot and not worth your time.
you dodged that one, nice!
No. Take it as a win. Never let a man make you feel uncomfortable for wanting to be SAFE.
Never look back.
I would never invite that person back into my life. Allow him to stay ghosted. He will find another woman to have sex without a condom with. Check yourself for STDs
Possibly having a kid is one helluva outcome to make some dude happy. You both sound inexperienced, I don’t think it was the condom.
I don’t have sex more than once if I have to wear a condom. No one’s at fault but I would’ve ghosted too. Condom sex just isn’t worth it. Still, your safety matters most so I wouldn’t worry about it.