For men in their 30s, what are you looking for in relationships?

34 comments

1. At this point, long term. Would still want someone fun to be around. If it leads to marriage, I’m not opposed to it.

2. My GF (F34) and I (M33) are getting married in a few months. We’ve been seeing each other for several years. Early on we found that we agree on a lot of things. We have clear expectations and boundaries about spending time together, with others, and alone. We both have our own homes and assets and that will continue after marriage. Neither of us wants kids (she tied her tubes and I shoot blanks), we don’t begrudge each other our indulgences and vices, the sex is great, we love to ski, golf, and travel when we’re together, and we get along with each others’ friends. Her mother likes me more than her own daughter. My parents like her WAY more than they like me.

3. Nothing. I’ve given up. I’ve lowered my expectations to just mental stability and loyalty, and even that seems too high.

   I can find my own peace and happiness. Occasionally, if I get lonely, I might seek out someone for a short-term, mostly physical connection, but otherwise, I’m stepping back.

4. In my 30s, I’m looking for someone who can handle my quirks, enjoys the same level of Netflix binge-watching, and doesn’t mind my growing collection of “just-in-case” snacks. Anything else is a bonus

5. Sweetie, I’m in my 30s, I’m no longer looking.

6. Long term, stable, no drama, straightforward, no games (I’m done chasing)

   There needs to be a connection too, and that seems like the hard part

7. Nothing. I’m too tired and exhausted to try again or put any effort. I just want peace, not relationships.

8. A partner that will communicate: what they like and don’t like, and also be able to listen and validate how I feel, as well. Someone who can take accountability when they make a mistake, and also hold me accountable when I do the same.

9.  Crazy enough to kill me so I don’t have to finish paying off these gd student loans.

10. I’m looking for someone who wants to build with me. I don’t know if I can believe someone wants that, but yeah, that’s the hope.

11. Stopped dating apps bc it’s just a job interview at this age and I could totally get taken advantage of. Now I go for short term organic connection when I go out around town, or travel.

12. Peace.

13. Idk, in the process of divorce and don’t know how, where or if I even want to be involved again

14. i look for everything.

    you never know what you will meet.

    so you have to be ready to capitalize on any opportunity that presents itself.

15. Nothing I have had so many bad experiences with women I have almost entirely given up on relationships. I have talked to so many good guys in their 30s who have had so many bad experiences like I have had such as being repeatedly taken advantage of or hurt when they were younger or that women completely ignored when they were younger so they are no longer even trying to date. They also look at the quality of what is available and think it isn’t even remotely worth the effort.

16. Wife, or pretend wife anyways, would also like to keep doing the sex a lot though. Just took a many year hiatus, having a good time with the woman I see now, hopefully I’ve learned enough lessons to keep it this way.

17. I want a wife but I stopped looking tbh, it’s not working and idk what todo different.

18. Anything

19. I think least for me, it boils down to can we be the best of friends before we make the decision to become a long term couple. It’s a big commitment and I think when we see the qualities that make us better and more successful as men, we know that the person we’re with is a positive force and can help support us in our lowest.

    Short term relations or casual meet ups I think helps break the walls down of the what-if thoughts. Seeing someone in multiple situations makes us feel okay, there is no farce this is a feeling of realness.

20. 2 X chromosomes

21. I don’t

22. Just basic loyalty from the start. I like monogamy and want a girl who wants that too.

23. I think different men are looking for different things.

    Men who are desired, have options (possibly options they didn’t have when younger) so they want plenty of sex without commitment. These men want to choose the very best woman they can get but because they have so many options, they keep looking.

    Men who aren’t desired, have few options and just want to settle down. These men only have one option so want to settle quickly.

    Then you have a mix in between (which is probably the majority of men). They’re indecisive because on the one hand, they have options to settle down if they really want to (not ideal options, but options none the less), but they’re also getting a little bit of casual sex on the side so they’re tempted to ride that out and enjoy being desired. They might wait a little longer to see if any better options come they’re way. I’ll admit, I probably fit into this category.

    It’s the same thing with really hot girls in their 20s. It’s more likely than not that they don’t want to settle yet.

    Human nature is greedy… we always want the very best we can get. If you get angry at men, you’re really just angry at humans, which you are a part of.

24. A wife or life partner to share my life and grow with. Children would be nice.

25. Someone to have a life with?

26. > For men in their 30s, what are you looking for in relationships?

    Friendships.

    Benefits are okay if it won’t cause drama.

27. long term stuff. Someone that will stay.

28. Regular sex with someone I can relax with and makes me feel good about myself.

29. Right now two friends with benefits are perfect.

    I don’t trust women enough for love right now after having encountered multiple very disappointing personalities.

30. A net positive experience from someone I can trust. 

    I’m not opposed to marriage or kids but don’t think either are necessary for me to live a full life.

31. Someone who doesn’t have genuine mental problems and/or irrational entitlement and narcissism

32. If you’re not wife material, fun. If you’re wife material. Wife. At this point I’m in my 30s and I’ve got a good idea of what i want. If you’re not the one you’re not the one lol.

33. 35 and out there. I’m not looking for a wife or a mommy. I’m looking for a partner.

    Sex is cool, but I really just want someone who gets amazed at planes with me.

34. Someone caring, loving. Someone to come home to. My safety blanket. Long term, possibly to get married even. No drama. Just chill. And i understand that discussions and arguing are part of it, and they help you get through the relationship. But as long as it’s strictly necessary, and not every day? Sure.