A few coworkers and I were having a conversation, all over the age of 35 and both men and women.
One of the men had been talking about his first wife and the mother of his children and a hesitation his new woman had. Topic is rather irrelevant but it is how it starts.
I said it is the first baby momma syndrome when dealing with a good man. Which sparked the topic.
I have noted, myself included. That men have this weird connection that is almost unbreakable with their first baby momma and it is really irrelevant to how she treated him. I know my ex husband and father of my child wil do things for me that no other man will do. I didnt treat well, I wasn't mean but when we got together we were young and ended up toxic together. I was a free independent woman with a piss poor understanding of relationships and he was stuck in the 20 something man mindset. His new woman is a way better match for him than I ever could be and treats him better than I did. I am a way better match for my new SO and treat him like a king because now I am secure. My ex continuously offers to do things from information he gains from my son, most of the time I have to tell him I have a man and even if I didn't I have friends, it is kind of inappropriate to offer when you have a fiance this would make her not feel so great.
My new SO will do things and has done things for his baby momma that he will never do for me. His ex was indeed abusive and even though he still has a tough time admitting it even tried to kill him once. This doesn't upset me there is something about it. (Most of these things I would never ask for) I will admit there are moments where I think dayum how would I get this man to be willing to do these things for me.
Now this sparked the debate. The men who were in the situation reluctantly admitted that there was something even if they had offspring with the new woman. Day to day they admitted they treat her better but the pull is present. None of the women regardless of circumstance believed this to be true and the men still in the first relationship said that wouldn't be how they would be if they indeed ended up with someone else the first wife would likely be less than (all said not like its ever gong to happen).
So here i am on reddit, I am curious to see opinion. Is there something about the first woman that bares your offspring? Or are my experiences more unique?