Like the title says, my buddy recently has been showing signs of severe alcoholism and self-destructive behavior.
Before being quick to judge, my friend was a really good guy and kind hearted person before the addiction. This does not excuse any of his actions, but is more so why I still care to try and help him.
To give some background, I have been friends with him since grade school and have kept in touch after he moved away for college (he dropped out after one year at the same uni). Since getting home in 2020, he slowly started to show signs of drinking more and more. Nothing concerning at that point.
Fast forward a few years and he meets an amazing girl, we will call her Angel (24 F)(cause she has been one), who seems to had calmed him down on his partying and drinking ways. After meeting her, I emphasized that I was always there for her like I am my buddy, and to call if she needed anything. Little did I know this would be a consistent portal into seeing a side of my friend i didnt know existed.
One night a few months ago she calls me in a panic saying my friend was in a mental break and was threatening suicide. He was taken to the mental hospital to be committed by her to make sure nothing would happen. After getting down to talking, i found out it was because he was addicted to alcohol and she had been trying to get him off of it. He had been drinking till passing out and numbing all pain by drinking liquor.
He ends up calling me and admitting fault and saying that he wants to change and that hes sorry that I had to see this side of him (an excuse I have become oh so familiar with).
After being released he did show signs of improvement, going to meetings and not drinking. I should add around this time, I moved across the country and was no longer seeing him as much as id like to.
About a month ago now i get another call from Angel, saying that my friend was back binge drinking. The reason for this call was that he had put his hands on her and after realizing what he had done, dranken himself into unresponsiveness. (Pushing her after she took the bottle) I told her that she needed to get away from him and that she needed to take care of herself, as physical violence is never okay, no matter how drunk he is.
Queue another hospital trip, this time his family took him, and more excuses.
This happens a few more times (excessive drinking with nothing physical) leading up to today, where angel calls and says shes done and doesnt know what to do, as he got physical again but it progressed to attempted choking. I immediately told her to seek safety and get away from him. We had a conversation on the phone about how she needed to leave and the statistics behind DV.
And now im stuck here, asking you reddit, what do i do? This guy has been my friend my whole life but is letting his addiction take over and turn him into an unrecognizable monster. Most people I would cut off for even threatening their partner, but I know its the disease/addiction that is causing him to act this way. I also worry that if i cut him out, he will end up acting on his suicidal ideations.
Me and a few of his friends are having an intervention when I am in town next weekend giving him an ultimatum, clean it up or lose everyone.
TL:DR – my once close buddy started abusing alcohol and its turned him into a drunken, physically abusive monster, is there any way I can help him see the light or is he a lost cause?