I’m asking here because I don’t really have family support.
I’ve been dating my boyfriend for 7 years. The past one year has been on and off long distance as he went to his home country to help his dad with their business (a farm). He now wants me to join him (I’ve been there many times before and love the country).
However what I didn’t expect was how insane his job would be.
He gets 2 weeks vacation per year, but he can max take 3 days at once. He said he’d try 1 week but there is no guarantee. He wakes up super early, at like 4 AM and has weird break times (two hours each day) that vary depending on what he’s working on. He has to be in bed by 7-8PM. He only gets Saturdays off.
The worst part is, he said he’d never consider quitting. He knows the job is difficult but says this is his calling and he loves working with his dad. He said word for word that he will be working here for the rest of his life.
This has destroyed our relationship. We talk for like 30 mins or an hour max every day, since currently we are long distance.
He said the solution is simply to get married, and then come join him there. I work from home so I can see him whenever he has breaks. He said we can go on dates on Saturdays.
I’ve asked him what his priority is. He said he prioritizes both me and his job. It’s not just a job to him but a way to help his community and family. I appreciate that this is something meaningful to him but at the same time I feel oddly hurt.
I can’t tell if I’m the one being dramatic and not understanding how adult relationships work. He is my first boyfriend and I love him, and ideally I’d like to spend a good amount of time with him as a married couple.
I had a dream of going backpacking with him across the globe once we settle down and have more savings, but he’s now not sure if he can do this with his job but he said I can do it alone. :/
I don’t want to break up with him because I genuinely do love this man but at the same time I am not sure what marrying him would mean.
TLDR; boyfriend has a job with weird hours and not enough vacation, unsure of what married life would be like.