It’s been 2 years and since the first month I keep having the recurring thought: “Should I really continue this?”. It goes away for a while but it always come back.
Essentially, we’re too different. In matters of opinions and values we’re almost polar opposites. I think we’ve lasted so much because we rarely talk about serious topics, we try to keep our conversations light.
She has some great qualities, of course, and despite our differences, our personalities match, which is why I think we’re a functional couple. I don’t know if that’s enough, though, and if it’ll all fall apart when we start living together.
At this point there’s two things that really bother me: The fact that, if I make a mistake somehow, due to lack of attention or lack of care, she’ll waste no time in putting me down, even if I’m the only one affected. As result, I don’t feel comfortable sharing certain things with her. Also, I suspect that if I lose my job some day and end up taking too long to find another one, or maybe have to stay a while in a low pay occupation, she’ll leave me. She said it once that she wouldn’t be with me if I was a delivery driver (I don’t remember how the conversation got to that point), and I still don’t know what to think of that. Basically, she seems like one of those women that needs to look up to a man and feel complete security, and if I end up making less than her, I don’t thing I’ll be fulfiling that part.
So yeah, that makes me wonder if we really have a future, because there’s no way for me to be certain that there will never be rough patches.
Despite everything, we already discussed marriage and are set to be engaged this year.
So, what I want to know is: Based on this description, is it a bad idea to keep on with this? It is possible to have so many doubts and still be happily married?
I love her, that much I’m certain. I also know that not everything is roses and relationships require work. I just want to know if there’s anything abnormal here.
We’re in our 30’s, btw.
4 comments
Have a serious talk with her. Ask her about different scenarios that might come up and how she would want to handle them within the framework of a partnership. Things happen in life and if you’re going to settle down with someone it’s fair to be clear on expectations beforehand.
“So, what I want to know is: Based on this description, is it a bad idea to keep on with this? It is possible to have so many doubts and still be happily married?”
It doesn’t matter what we think, it’s your relationship, your engagement and ultimately your marriage. Do you want this ?
Having said that, I wouldn’t want a partner that goes out of their way to put me down or would leave me if I hit a rough patch work wise. That is scuffed to me.
What’s her history (previous relationships)?
If someone would leave you over your occupation being “low” like being a delivery driver then it’s clear why she’s with you.
Also fuck her for putting down delivery drivers, I hope her next Amazon package is late!