Hi first time ever posting anything in reddit.
Sorry for the long post. Basically have seperated from my wife being her decision and not mine. Will be married 3 years in Novemeber. Been together 7, 2 kids. We are both 28.
I am crazy about her, she's been my best friend, my soul mate, my emotional support or shoulder to cry on. Done everything together. To see who she has become in the last 6 months is heart breaking.
She has gained mental health issues; depression and anxiety but severe. She seeing a psych, he has apparently said she is close to psychosis. Saying that main issues was because alot of the time gave her self to other people and never worried or complained about her self. Also another factor is that at the end of last year/start of this year I was in a bad place because I had been in the same job 12 years and didn't know what I wanted to with my life whilst also stressing the new job I need to get needs to: feed my family, pay our mortgage, pay the bills, give us money to save, groceries etc. Applying for jobs non stop but never getting anywhere I was coming home in a shit mood from work and sometimes taking it out on our kids. Not abusive, just more like me yelling over the top because we've told our kids 5 times to do something and they haven't for example. When I should have been taking it a different approach. But I was burnt out and upset. She would be there for me and just say "stick it out and you'll find somethkng" but I didn't. Ended up switching job that a friend got me which turned out to be even lower money but I kind of enjoyed it. But put more stress on us at home which made things worse between us with petty arguments. Out of the blue she just started hanging with her friend (who has also recently seperated with her partner) and was constantly with her. We argued a bit more. Mainly me upset because I was hardly seeing her. Has gotten to the point that she has now changed so much that she claims she has nothing to say, feels dead inside, the person she used to be is dead, she doesn't know who she is anymore, she can't be in this house, she looks at photos of her around the house doesn't know she is, she's dyed her hair completely black from being a blonde who loved being blonde. She just has no fucks to give anymore. Wants to move out for a while but had said that things could possibly rekindle down the track, she just needs time for now. It's been like maybe 3 – 4 months properly labelled seperated. She says she's in a dark place still. I've asked her on a few occasions if there is somebody else, she seems quite sure there is not and I think I believe her? She's been staying at friends houses, hotels, and gotten emergency accommodation vouchers from her psychologist and government. She does not have a job just does cash jobs cleaning on the side when she can.
She claimed she wanted space and needs to "find herself" but says things along the way, like maybe we did stuff too young. She claims she will always love me.
But I am trying to give her space and have been since she asked for it back in March-April. But I am not doing well. I have gotten mental health help through an organization but not really helping. Some days are okay, some days are not. Seems more like most days are not. Have had non stop set backs in between all of this thats going on not related. Even our parents have gotten involved and all taking my "side" telling her to get a grip and fix her marriage, not to run away from her problems and things like that. Even had a falling out with her mum over it all. And I don't even know what to say or think or if I even agree with them.
So I've been job hunting to give me something to focus on. But I also just can't stop thinking about her. I can't stop hoping and praying that she's gonna wake up and be like "okay let's try". I know she's in a bad place and I can see it, I've also learnt my lesson about who I was being that was causing her to feelings to build up. All I want to be is there for her, but she just doesn't want it. I Don't get much time for myself when she is hardly here with me and the kids because she says she mentally can't cope. I am so lost, I miss her like crazy, she's my soul mate and the love of my life and I can't picture me or her completely moving on. But then sometimes I'm also like "fuck her. Fuck this. Move on." I'm getting some dark thoughts my brain is going crazy, she said couples counselling won't fix much when it's her that she mainly needs to focus on. But sometimes the things she says gives me complete doubt, then other times I think we'll maybe it will work out. Technically living under same roof, when she does sleep here on occasion she has set up a temp bed in youngest daughters room and the daughter will sleep with me. I dont want a divorce, i didn't wanna even be seperated. Everything I have no control over. Has anyone ever been in any sort of similar experience? Or wife left them out of the blue almost? And how they coped?? Or if seperation actually helped and you got back together happy ever after? Because I'd fkn die for this woman. When we met I pretty much pulled her out of the gutter (hypothetically) and changed our lives around. I am absolutely devastated to say the least. Hate admitting it, but I am not okay.
If you read all that, thankyou.