I just found out my partner is cheating on me and I’m not even 4 months postpartum
I saw him texting something I would deem inappropriate to a coworker a few weeks ago but ignored it and convinced myself I was tripping. Since then there’s been this insane feeling in my stomach that something is going on. He leaves his phone unlocked a lot at night but I’ve just refused to look. I convinced myself that “I trust he wouldn’t hurt me” and that it was just my PPD getting the best of me. Tonight I finally looked. I was right. They’re even telling each other “I love you”. She acknowledges me so many times and how she doesn’t want to be the reason he feels guilty. But that she wants them to be together. He says he wants to be with her but doesn’t want me to leave with his baby… I’m so numb right now.
We’ve been together for 3 years. I quit my job to stay home with my baby as a SAHM. I thought it was a huge blessing at the time. I don’t have enough in savings to support myself let alone a child. I have to start my whole life over, with a baby. I confronted him about it and he didn’t lie but he left and hasn’t come back. I found out about 5 hours ago and I haven’t slept yet. I’m sitting here typing this while breastfeeding my baby at 4:00am just completely lost. Holding my whole world in my arms while my life slips through my fingers. What the fuck am I going to do. I can’t even manage to cry
46 comments
All I can say is stay strong,
My mother was a single mum and she gave me the best upbringing and love anyone could.
There will be other men. Good men. Happy to be a father figure for your child.
As long as you love your child everything will work out somehow.
Don’t loose hope.
If you have friends or family close I think go stay with them while you figure out your next step
Start by putting him on child support.
Also, speak to family lawyer about visitation, and that his new girlfriend or any new girlfriend isn’t allowed to meet or be near your child until they have been together for a year, and an affair doesn’t count.
Make sure you tell his family and yours what he has done
Sorry to hear your story. He left for now but most probably will come back in a couple of days. There are 2 options for you:
1- he will ask to reconcile for the sake of your baby. I think you should act like ok until your baby grows a bit more (daycare age) and save money, take legal advice, and find a job. The. You can leave him. But before doing these, please contact with a lawyer.
2- he will ask to separate. Then there is nothing you can do. Again consult to a lawyer and learn your options.
Since you just became a SAHM, it will not be that hard to find a job.
Your shock is paralyzing you, but that won’t change the reality: he betrayed you, fully aware of what it would cost. You’re sitting in denial because facing the full gravity of his deceit terrifies you—especially postpartum, when you feel most vulnerable. He’s already checked out emotionally, leaving you scrambling for the pieces. The facade of trust you convinced yourself to hold onto was a shield, a weak one, from the truth your gut always knew. You’re not just grieving a relationship; you’re confronting a brutal loss of security and identity. Your survival instinct must take over now.
I’m sorry this is happening to you but thankfully we are in the age of tons of work from home jobs. Do not settle for staying with him due to lack of funds….join LinkedIn or google remote work so you can still be home with your little one & good luck with everything. UpdateMe
You had his child and he did this-Wow. These are the moments that should bond couples for life, leave his sorry ass!
men are horny, and sleep with woman while loving their main girl, it’s science, has been like this for thousands and thousands of years, monogamy is fairly recent in history lol once a man crosses into telling the I love you’s with a girl especially when the mother of your child is at home with your seed that she put life and limb at risk to bring into this world, that is a different level of treachery that shouldn’t be forgiven. Sorry this is happening to you, put him on child support and see if you can get some help. Plenty of women out there started over with a baby, with nothing, survived and thrived! even got married, can happen for you as well!
Get some help. Either you love him enough to figure it out and fix it and rebuild the trust. Or you move on. Go stay with your folks or a friend or family. Somewhere else where you can get your head clear. And think about you and that child and how things will look moving forward. Have a clear picture of this and what you want in life. And how you’re going to do it. With or without him, but make it happen after that. If he thinks he’s slick Rick let him find out. Sounds like y’all are not hitched. So the child tends to automatically go to you. I would say as a male and a father split the custody 50/50. Unless he’s a turd and doesn’t want the child anyway. Then do what you gotta do so that child knows they’re loved and not resented. But if he’s active and engaged don’t treat the kid like a bank. Definitely clear your head and think about everything though. From schools to vacations to where you’re going to live and what you’ll drive and what your career will look like. And how holidays and birthdays will work and what any little detail will look like. If he’s not there and you’re happy then you know what you gotta do. Hope this helps. Best of luck to you
“I quit my job to stay home with my baby as a SAHM. I thought it was a huge blessing at the time. I don’t have enough in savings to support myself let alone a child.”
You thought it was a blessing to financially be at the mercy of a man?
You thought it was a blessing to not have your own money so if you could provide for yourself and your own child?
On what planet is being helpless and dependent on another person a blessing?
I see at least 5 posts like this on this sub everyday.
Women just flippantly quitting their jobs with zero regard for the consequences.
What if he cheats?
What if he becomes abusive?
What if he divorces you after the kids grow up? He’ll have a full fledged career but good luck getting a decent job after a 20 year gap on your resume. Alimony only goes so far if you don’t have tons of shared assets.
It makes ZERO sense how young women think this is a “blessing”.
I guess you’re learning the hard way. Get out of this situation and never ever depend financially on anyone ever again.
Editing to add: Downvote me all you want but they’re NOT EVEN MARRIED. And she still flippantly quit her job with no savings and no plans to depend on her “partner”. If y’all don’t think that’s a bad decision, I don’t know what is.
Spread the load by telling anyone who will listen what he’s has done. Then lawyer up.
I’d get back in the workforce if I were you. You’ve only been out of it for a few months so it shouldn’t be that hard for you thankfully.
He is not a man that you can depend on to keep you emotionally safe so please do not rely on him.
Is there any family you can go to for support (whether emotional or financial)?
You need to contact a divorce attorney asap. That’s step 1. You need to know where you legally stand and the attorney should help you get financial support from your loser of a husband.
Call a close friend or family member and ask them to come stay with you for extra support and help. Your husband is trash and in the long run you will be better off without his lying, cheating presence. Take care of yourself and your little one!
This guy hey the nerve and his AP it’s so sweet she doesn’t want to be the reason he feels guilty but she’s actively been involved with the destruction of your relationship???
Do you have anywhere to go? Pack up and leave with your baby. Let him come back to an empty house and no family. Please remember that he did this now he needs to pay the price.
Your whole world is in your arms.
That’s all you need.
You know what to do.
You know where he has gone, right? He’s with her, crying his eyes out over how bad he feels that he won’t see his child every day and she’s consoling him.
Keep it simple for now. Everything is a little bit too much.
1. Call someone that gives you support and good feelings. You need help right now. Your mom, sister, friend- doesn’t matter. But you shouldn’t be alone. Don’t protect him by staying silent- this is about your needs.
2. Do you have separate or combined finances? If combined better take out your half in the account. You wouldn’t be first to be left financially destitute. Money is priority number one right now.
3. Organizations- who owns the house you life or rents it. How long is the lease and can you stay maybe with your parents, if it isn’t yours? You need to put him on child support asap. Ask your support to help with these things. If it’s your house, you need to write an eviction note for him as a tenant.
4. If you aren’t married, check if you are in a common law marriage or not. This will be important for assets.
5. Don’t change the locks if he’s still registered there. I know that’s what many people would like to do, but that’s against the law. Don’t pack his stuff or anything, that’s his work and not yours. You need to concentrate on your stuff.
I wish you luck. I know everything is overwhelming right now and please let your support handle these stuff for you as far as you can. Ask for help. You will be surprised how much you will get.
Is there a possibility you can get your job back? Did you take screen shots for proof? Divorce is the only way to go
Gather evidence, obtain an attorney and follow their instructions to the letter. DO NOT let him know that you know. Gather the evidence. Be stealth like.
This is why you obtain a divorce settlement. You don’t say how long you’ve been married just that you’ve been together for 3 years so I assume you’re very freshly married. You also don’t mention any family or any of that so I presume you don’t have it. There are lots of resources out there for single moms. Start looking for them you’ll be able to get on food stamps, you can write into the divorce decree that he has to cover your rent for 6 months so you can get back on your feet and maybe even a year. Don’t look for a divorce lawyer and make it so he has to pay for that too. Start doing some research.
Child and spousal support.
Get a job. If you’re 4 months post then I guess you haven’t been out of the workforce for a long time.
Don’t give him a second chance. He will do this again. And when you’re 5 years or more jobless.. picking yourself up will be harder.
He showed you who he is right now. Believe him.
Do you have family or a friend you can go and stay with? You need to get him to pay child support and see if you can find a job.
You are feeling numb from the shock but this man didn’t even stick around to fight for you. He left to go and be with his AP.
I know its probably really hard to sleep right now, but a couple of nights sleep should help you emotionally process a bit. You have suffered a HUGE betrayal. He is absolute TRASH. Low down, gutter-shit garbage. Seriously. It hurts so much right now but you have to try and keep in sight that one day, even if you can’t see it at the mo, this will be a bad dream that you had and got through it before settling into your best life. Been watching the paralympics lately and some of these people winning Golds lost both feet in an accident or became fully paralysed and are still triumphing in life. They had a ‘Worst Day Ever’ and now look at them.
You just have to try and survive this ‘Worst Day Ever’ for a little longer, and it will get better. As for the practical side of things, I hope there is help available for you in terms of friends and family? If not, perhaps government programs? Your (hopefully) ex’s parents? You CAN do this. You’re going to fight through it.
Best of luck to you, I’m so sorry this has happened.
Get a lawyer slap child support, an alimony on him not sure what state y’all live in but a lot of states will go after him for the money meaning child support. Look on line for help in your state . Some lawyers will free Bono then go after him.
You’re not married? That makes it easier
Go to counseling for yourself. If he wants you to make a deal about going to couples counseling do it. You can be straight up honest about being skeptical about whether or not it will make a difference and be 100% honest in therapy about how you feel.
Put your resume together and start finding another job. Start with your old job.
Ask your family to help with getting a lawyer. Get their advice about child support. TAKE their advice and do exactly what they tell you.
Tell your friends and family what’s going on. Be matter of fact about it. “Jason has been having an affair with his coworker. I’m just trying to deal with our baby and getting back on my feet.” They can be allies in securing employment, finding housing, watching the baby while you interview.
Rally your friends and family NOW. Have someone stay and help with the baby. Go home to your parents. Let people take care of you.
I’m going to tell you a hard truth. Abusers, narcissists and bad people can spend years lulling you into a false sense of security, and then reveal themselves once they think you’re stuck.
Isn’t it interesting that you aren’t married? But you have a baby. Was that intentional? In therapy delve into why you thought it would be okay for you to be financially dependent on someone who has zero legal obligation to you.
But be honest, seek help, get a job.
And make sure your baby’s father gets the baby as often as possible. Watch his affair blow up when he’s got to deal with an infant all on his own.
Let him stay gone and he will need to pay child support and spouse support. Do you have family or friends who can help you? My ex did the same thing (but multiple women) and once he left for the other woman, I didn’t look bad. I did have my parents help and support though. But it’s better then him staying, if they cheat once they will do it again.
Dry your tears & call a divorce attorney first thing today. Time to hit him with some reality. Then call friends & family. Tell them what’s happening b/c you’ll need their support. You’ll be okay. Don’t freak out.
i’m so sorry op your partner really does suck…….cheating on someone that is growing or just grown a mini you in their body is the lowest of the low and i know it doesn’t feel like it but will be well rid.
you don’t need to make any decisions right now but unfortunately it does look like his made it for you as he’s left. what you do need right away is support that can be family/friends/therapy but you need this asap reach out do not sweep his shittyness under the rug……even if he comes back and says he wants to work things out you do not rug sweep that never end well.
also think about going to his hr department (after putting him on child support of course) and speak to a lawyer
OP I am so sorry. You can’t hold yourself responsible for someone else’s crappy actions. Get yourself through it by focusing on you and your baby. Go see an attorney about suing for child support. If your married then divorce and alimony. If not married ask the attorney about common law marriage in your state and see if that would help. If she is a coworker and their employer has dating rules, hold that over his head to get as much support as possible. !updateme
First, I am so sorry. I know what it’s like to have that person I trusted do exactly this, but I didn’t have a little one at the time. I know the hurt and absolute fear.
It’s going to be okay. Ignore all of the revenge suggestions you’ve received and get yourself an appointment with an attorney as soon as you can arrange it. Only after speaking with an attorney will you know what your actual legal options are where you live. You don’t need to make any decisions until you know what your choices are. Even if you eventually decide to work it out with him, you should STILL see that attorney so you know where you stand.
If you don’t know where to start when it comes to finding an attorney (that was me), call your doctor’s office and ask them to recommend a therapist (unless you already have one). You can tell the therapist what’s going on and they can likely lead you in the right direction for an attorney.
Get a job
I’m so sorry to read this, I like so many others have been in your shoes. I tried to make things work, but instead, they got worse. I was able to make the decision to leave for my child. It was hard and scary, but I did it. You will, too. You will be stronger as a result and find the person that deserves you. You’ve got this ❤️
I found out my soon to be fiance (at the time) was cheating on me while I was pregnant. I stayed. I ended up leaving one more kid & a marriage later. I won’t say I regret staying because I wouldn’t have my daughter. But I was never able to forgive him. What state are you in? You have resources. You need to leave. Message me if you need help.
Call a lawyer and see what your options are. He has shown you how he feels and told his AP that he is with you because of the baby. Help him, help you by taking your baby and moving on. Take your time to get your affairs in order. Get you and baby’s documents together. If possible find some virtual counseling. Look for a job at a daycare so baby can be with you while getting your life back on track. If in the US call 211 and see what resources are available in your area. Good luck OP.
I’m so sorry that you are going through this in what is supposed to be such an exciting time in your life.
First step is to contact your family to get some support as you need it right now. Next is the lawyer where you get an agreement for spousal and child support. You’re a SAHM and you need that money right now. Finally you draft the divorce papers as there is no coming back from this level of betrayal.
Call your mom or dad or a supportive sibling as soon as you know they are awake. You need someone with you right now.
Big hugs mama, so sorry you’re dealing with this atm.
Lean on your family & friends.
Call a lawyer.
If you say what state you’re in. I would be more than happy to try and help you find some support and assistance to help ease this process for you if you’d like. I can post it on here for ya
This comment section is not it.
This is a situation majority of mothers can relate to, you are not alone.
Don’t worry about an attorney or any bullshit right now.
Breathe, process and just focus on physically caring for you and your bubba until you feel a little better.
Google, reddit, professionals or loved ones will have your back when you’re ready to take the next steps.
If you have someone to talk with throughout the week, do that. And ask for a cuddle.
All the rest will come slowly.
Sending all my love to you. ❤️❤️❤️
Talk to a divorce lawyer. Tell the divorce lawyer you want language that says she can’t be around your baby.
After you get through the divorce send any proof you have to their job and see if it’s a firable offense.
First talk to a lawyer and see what your options are for child/spousal support. you haven’t been out of the game long enough to affect your career so as much as you want to be a SAHM he has pretty much crapped on that dream. So if you have to go back to the workforce it won’t be as hard as if you’ve been gone for awhile. Any chance of support from family or friends? Anywhere you can go? I am so angry for you. Your husband is a selfish prick trying to have his cake and eat it too. He doesn’t want you to leave with his baby? Then how about you stay faithful. He will screw her over too but I have little sympathy for that since she has no business being in your marriage to begin with. Your first priority is you and your child. Please think twice when he comes crawling back. You and your little one deserve so much more that a life always wondering when he will do it again. Sending you strength.
I’m very sorry this has happened. I understand what’s going on when feeling trapped and vulnerable. I’m a domestic violence survivor and was dependent of my husband when I got a protection order. Since he left you gotta start getting things in order.
Assuming in the US:
When you say partner us that your husband or are you not legally married? Do you have any legal protections? If yes, then a divorce agreement will take care of most things but if not then there are some things to do:
Do you have shared bank accounts? Items in the house that are valuable? If you have bank account in both of your names you can take all the money in them as you are the co-owner. I would do this ASAP. The same with valuables in the home if you’re in the rental agreement. He probably cannot prove that items are his or yours. Take the valuables with you to sell.
Go back home or go live with someone that can help you with baby and trust. If your family is out of stiate leave before parenting time is established. He won’t be able to force you to return if you don’t have any family to help you where you live. If he’s in the birth certificate, ask for child support right away in the state where you live.
If you’re not married I wouldn’t worry to get a lawyer unless you have a bunch of legal matters to resolve. However this can be done once you’re safe and supported. That’s the first thing you have to do. Please be safe, you can do this. If you need additional advice or encouragement message me.
About working: a lot of people are saying go back to work but 2 things: a lot of times child care for infants costs equal the amount of money you earn while working and you really cannot work remotely with a little baby. Remote work usually has policies in regards to working while taking care of children. I actually was a remote worker since before covid and one of my tech support jobs demoted me because my daughter (who was 2 at the time) yelped outside my office. Imagine if baby cries in the middle of a call? If you do get a remote job do not do call center and if you can do something like chat support online or data entry it would be best. This is why having family and friends around is important because you will be able to get some childcare if you get a good job. But right now focus on both of you and get to safety. Apply to any programs you can to help with food, insurance, etc. Reach out to community programs for help too..
Updateme
Please be gentle on yourself. Of course, you trusted him. You were meant to be able to trust him. Being loving and trusting are admirable traits. That he didn’t turn out to be worthy says absolutely nothing about you.
Don’t try to solve your whole world right now. Take one simple step. Call your most capable friend/family member and tell them. The one that always organises the social events, trips, etc. Call her and tell her everything. Then let her take the reins just for a bit while you take care of your baby and yourself.
I’m so sorry this is happening to you.
If you’re in the USA find out which attorneys office mandates child support. Take out 50% of what’s in the bank account. If you have family that’s able to help with baby lean on that support.
There are lots of insurance companies that hire for wah then you’d be able to stay home with the baby.
That baby will be the love of your life.
Know and trust God to provide for both of you.
what a pos….see this makes me mad because of course it’d be when you’re at your most vulnerable timeframe. do you have family close by that can take you in? or any friends?
It’s a crap situation OP. But it could have been much worse. Could have been a lot of kids and with you totally incapable of working. Don’t worry about debts etc. unless you have your name on them, they are his. Apply immediately for CS and pursue him like the Apocalypse for the cash.
This is the time when you really need your family and friends. Go to your parents and explain exactly what has happened. I would be very surprised if they don’t provide immediate assistance. If not for you. For their new grandchild.
You haven’t done anything wrong. Nothing is your fault. It’s all down to your lying, cheating, conniving twat of a husband. Do not reconcile with him. He will just do it again (and again). Plan and prepare everything very carefully. You will get through this and be the better for it. Good luck. ❤️
You’re going to be alright. Babè, too. Remember: emotions are unpredictable and you’re sleep deprived, so try to give yourself some credit for how well you’re already handling this news.
If he left and your name is on the house, it could be in your best interest to get a consult for free from a family law attorney and tell them what you just told Reddit.
See what they say. Some places have a strict thing where if one spouse leaves the family home, that favors the person who stays in the home.
Gather your information. You don’t need to do anything, but you do need to know facts about realistic options: financially and emotionally.
If you’ve got a support system, now is the time to get them together.
Avvo dot com is a good resource for attorney searches.
You’ve got this.